- Maggie Clarke: Why didn't you ever marry? You had so much love to give.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: A colleague and a very good friend of mine lost his soulmate and then he nearly wrecked his life marrying the wrong woman over and over trying to find her again. I... chose to skip that part.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: [to Gareth] You feeling light-headed? I just nicked your brachial artery. You'll be dead in less than 90 seconds.
- Young Donald Mallard: [opens his going away present] You must be joking. Do I look like the bow tie type to you?
- Young Maggie: Well it's time to update your wardrobe. You're a medical doctor, not Dr. Who.
- Gareth Godfrey: You have to do something.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: No I don't. But if you tell me why my best friend is dead, I'll consider it.
- Maggie Clarke: I thought you hated bow ties.
- Dr. Donald Mallard: I do. they're impossible to keep straight.
- Young Donald Mallard: If you're going through hell, you keep going.
- Young Maggie: Winston Churchill, who wears a bow tie by the way.
- Young Donald Mallard: Get stuffed. I'd rather have a noose around my neck.
- [while Ducky and Bishop are examining Angus's computer, a young woman in her underwear emerges from his bedroom, sees them, chatters in a foreign language then flees out the door]
- Ellie Bishop: [chasing after her] No wonder Angus and his wife were having problems...
- [during Donnie's going-away party]
- Waiter: Phone call for you, sir.
- Young Angus Clarke: Hello...? Dr. Mallard, emergency telephone call for you.
- Young Donald Mallard: Hello, this is Dr. Mallard... how on earth did that happen? How should I know? I'm a doctor, not a veterinarian, Mother!
- [Angus and Maggie laugh]
- Young Donald Mallard: Hello... hello?
- [hangs up]
- Young Donald Mallard: Bloody Corgis got into the liquor cabinet again!
- [first lines]
- Samuel Colpepper: [into cell phone] Yes, I'm almost there... another half-hour. Relax, everything's going according to plan. I've been to the Smithsonian, Mount Vernon, and a dreadful abomination called "Foamhenge." If anybody's following me, they'll think I'm just sight-seeing. We're good... yes, it's an actual replica of Stonehenge, except it's made out of foam. Pure disaster! Just when you think you've seen everything...
- [sees a guided missile heading for his windshield]
- Samuel Colpepper: Oh, dear...
- [Ducky brandishes an antique scalpel]
- Gareth Godfrey: What are you going to do with that? Give me a paper cut?
- Dr. Donald Mallard: I doubt the blade is clean. Infections can be deadly.