Expiration Date (I) (2014)
Dennis Bateman: Spy, Pyro
Quotes
-
Spy : [drawing card from Bucket list] Our first dying wish is Scout's! He's... drawn a picture of me getting hit by a car.
[examines closely]
Spy : I have... something radiating off me.
Scout : Yeah, those are stink lines.
[to Heavy]
Scout : That's why the car hit 'em: because he smells!
Spy : Yes, I see.
[pulls another card]
Spy : Here you have drawn me having sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower...
Scout : Heh heh heh.
Spy : [pulls another card] ... Eiffel Tower having sexual congress with me...
Scout : Heh heh heh.
Spy : [pulls yet another card] ... both of us relaxing, post-coitus...
Demoman : [mouthing] "Post-coitus"?
Spy : [continuing] ... I'm crying and the Eiffel Tower has stink lines coming off of it, did anyone besides Scout put a card into the bucket?
Scout : Oh man, classic Scout!
Spy : Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time.
Soldier : You did not read mine!
Scout : [sighs] Does it say you want the bucket?
Soldier : Yes!
Spy : [pushes bucket towards Soldier, lights cigarette] See you all in Hell.
-
Spy : [the spy places a bucket of notecards on the table. A literal bucket list] *This* is a bucket.
Soldier : [examines the bucket] Dear God.
Spy : There's more.
Soldier : [astonished] No!
Spy : [ignoring him] It contains the dying wish of every man here.
[turns]
Spy : Scout. You did collect everyone's dying wish?
Scout : Oh, you bet!
Spy : Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches.
-
Spy : [the Spy has agreed to coach Scout on how to be "better with the ladies". In a small gymnasium, the Spy prepares a rolling cart with a crash dummy, along with a wine bottle, two glasses, a bucket of drumsticks, red roses, a vase, and a box of RED chocolates. He pushes the cart so it rolls to the nervous Scout]
[nonchalantly]
Spy : Seduce me.
Scout : [the Scout looks back, confused, and turns forward, arms akimbo] You?
Spy : [pointedly] Seduce me.
Scout : What, Spy? I ain't gonna...
Spy : SEDUCE ME!
Scout : [taken aback] Right! Right. Okay.
[He looks down at the cart. He immediately picks up the bucket of fried chicken and lets out a quick sigh]
Scout : Okay...
[He walks up to the Spy]
Scout : H-hey there, good-lookin... I got a bucket of chicken...
Spy : [He slaps the chicken out of Scout's hands] I'm not one of your fried chicken tramps! I'm a woman! I like my men dangerous... Mysterious...
[Spy takes the crash dummy into his arms and starts dancing with it briefly before holding it in front of him]
Spy : You want to be my lover? Earn it! Seduce me!