- Ben Cafferty: You listen to me, you little fucking turd's assistant, you don't threaten the administration, because we will fucking destroy you! We'll skin you like a squirrel, clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney, and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers sticking out of your dead fucking eyeballs!
- Kent Davison: I cannot endorse that message, but I do acknowledge it.
- Teddy Sykes: [to Jonah] Hey, I Am Groot, stop swapping spit here with Pretty Woman, and get me Brock and Hunter!
- Dan Egan: The HIV girl.
- Ben Cafferty: Yes?
- Dan Egan: The one that the president mentioned in the CBS interview.
- Ben Cafferty: Yes?
- Dan Egan: Alright, well, some people on Reddit put the details together and now the whole town knows who she is.
- Ben Cafferty: Fuck! You know, I preferred when the Internet was just AltaVista and that little Star Wars kid! Did we definitely out this girl?
- Dan Egan: Yeah.
- Ben Cafferty: Shit!
- Dan Egan: Only her doctor and her principal knew, now parents are keeping their kids home from school 'cause they don't want them to, quote, "catch AIDS."
- Ben Cafferty: Oh, there's a town with no Gay Pride parade or a goddamn library!
- Bill Ericsson: Where did this data come from? How did we get her medical records, and why didn't we ask her parent's permission?
- Ben Cafferty: Oh thank you, Question Man! You've just saved the entire city! Or did you?
- Mike McLintock: This is catching fire like a gas station in a Michael Bay movie.
- Dan Egan: What's our line here? Do we tell the president?
- Ben Cafferty: No! She's gonna panic! We gotta find out more facts, aright? Bozos, disassemble!