- Harvey Specter: Obama.
- Dana Scott: I'm not going to land the president as my first client.
- Harvey Specter: Fine, if you don't think you can.
- Dana Scott: You're not going to manipulate me into trying to land Obama.
- Harvey Specter: Well, it better be somebody like that or Jessica won't give up on her early buy-in bullshit.
- Dana Scott: What if I got myself a sports guy?
- Harvey Specter: The very fact that you call it 'a sports guy' means it's a no.
- Jessica Pearson: But my question isn't why I should want her here, it's why you would want her here.
- Harvey Specter: She's the best lawyer I know, after me.
- [gets a look]
- Harvey Specter: And you.
- Jessica Pearson: Are you sleeping with her?
- Harvey Specter: Excuse me?
- Jessica Pearson: You have history with this woman, so I just want to know are you doing this because you feel sorry for her or because you want to pay her back or because you love her or what?
- Harvey Specter: It's none of your business.
- Jessica Pearson: It is my business. It is literally my business.
- Louis Litt: [talking into his dictaphone] Monday, 2:20 p. m. This conundrum is burning a hole in my brain. Think. Logically. I mean, Sheila is professional and meticulous and... wonderfully anal, and if she says that nothing gets misplaced in her inner sanctum, then I believe her, which leaves the national security option. Is Mike Ross CIA?
- [thinks, then scoffs]
- Louis Litt: Please. There's a better chance that Esther's in the KGB. I mean, I can ask Sheila, if I'm no longer fond of my testicles, which... Wait a second, missing testicles, missing file. It can't be missing if it doesn't exist. Holy shit. What if Mike Ross never went to Harvard at all? What if he just went to some crappy third-tier law school, like Fordham or Arizona State?
- [puts on a frat-boy voice]
- Louis Litt: "Yeah, hey, bro. Yeah, no, I'll see you at the party. I'm not gonna study for the bar. Damn straight, that's right, bros before hos. Oh, yeah, you know..."
- [switches back to normal]
- Louis Litt: All right, that's enough. He's been peeing directly into our pristine pool of eliteness. He's been... Oh, shoot, it's blinking out. Norma, really quickly, I need you to get a pack of rechargeable triple A... Shit, it's out. So I guess I'm just talking to myself.
- Harvey Specter: I want a relationship with her.
- Jessica Pearson: Well, I'm happy for you. I hope you two make a run at it.
- Harvey Specter: Thanks. I'll pretend you meant that.
- Jessica Pearson: Your track record isn't great.
- Harvey Specter: You've had three name partners in two years. Let's talk about your commitment issues.
- Jessica Pearson: I'm not asking you to give my commitment issues a corner office.
- Jessica Pearson: Harvey convinced me, so let's get to it.
- Dana Scott: I want a relocation fee.
- Jessica Pearson: Done.
- Dana Scott: And a 10% increase on my signing bonus.
- Jessica Pearson: Seven.
- Dana Scott: You gave Harvey 10%.
- Jessica Pearson: Do you think you're worth as much as Harvey?
- Dana Scott: I'm less of a pain in the ass.
- Jessica Pearson: 10% it is.
- Harvey Specter: I want to watch you kill this guy. That's why I brought snacks.
- Mike Ross: You can't bring peanuts into my deposition.
- Harvey Specter: Why?
- Mike Ross: It's unprofessional.
- Harvey Specter: So's that tie, but I've made my peace with it.
- Mike Ross: Panda, right here. That's my favorite piece of art.
- Rachel Zane: That is not art.
- Mike Ross: Grammy gave that to me.
- Rachel Zane: Oh, I love it. Panda can come.
- Mike Ross: And the chair.
- Rachel Zane: Oh.
- Mike Ross: That was Grammy's favorite chair.
- Rachel Zane: I don't... I don't...
- Mike Ross: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm telling you, Rachel, she used to sit in that chair every Sunday and drink her hot cup of Hershey's cocoa and tell me all about growing up on the mean streets of Philadelphia.
- Rachel Zane: When you lie, try less details.
- Mike Ross: Got it.
- Harvey Specter: Where could you have to go? You're unemployed.
- Dana Scott: Well, actually a top-tier law firm offered me a job last night, and I thought it might be best if I negotiate the terms of my agreement with the partner I'm not sleeping with.
- Dana Scott: If I'm going to change Jessica's mind, I can't just land someone, I have to land someone you couldn't.
- Harvey Specter: There's no one I couldn't land.
- Dana Scott: You think I don't know about Beijing?
- Harvey Specter: That's his word against mine.
- Dana Scott: Oh, well, um, I guess we can clear that up right now, because look who just walked in.
- [Michael Phelps enters the restaurant]
- Harvey Specter: You knew he was coming here tonight?
- Dana Scott: You think I like Argentinean food? I just need you to stop him for a second.
- Harvey Specter: I get it. You got the idea from Working Girl, when they crash the wedding to get to Trask Radio.
- Dana Scott: Harvey, I'm not a 14-year-old girl. I don't get my ideas from movies.
- Louis Litt: Okay, I was in the Harvard file room with Sheila. Don't ask details. And I noticed Mike Ross' file was not there.
- Donna Paulsen: You specifically looked for his file?
- Louis Litt: Yes, and I looked for Harvey's too, and his was there - and, by the way, he looked like a major douche.
- Louis Litt: Thank you, Donna, for putting your anger on hold long enough to help me salvage the single most important non-feline relationship of my life.
- Jessica Pearson: Harvey, it's time you and I had the talk.
- Harvey Specter: I know where babies come from.
- Jessica Pearson: But do you know how couples stay together?
- Harvey Specter: What are you getting at?
- Jessica Pearson: When Daniel and I took over the firm, we had a heart-to-heart. He had a philosophy that I agreed to live by.
- Harvey Specter: Daniel was a piece of shit.
- Jessica Pearson: Doesn't mean his philosophy was.
- Nick Rinaldi: And you say I'M a monster.
- Mike Ross: Being a monster would be putting your client on the stand and making her testify that her husband's death was his own damn fault.