- Professor Buzz Hickey: Welcome to the labyrinth, kid. Only there ain't no puppets or bisexual rockstars down here.
- Dean Pelton: My god, Annie. What kind of labyrinth have you created? Certainly not the magic kind with puppets and macho rock stars.
- Abed Nadir: [Signing] I learned how to say this in sign language.
- Carol: [Signing] You're a fast learner.
- Abed Nadir: [Signing] I learned how to say this in sign language.
- Carol: [Signing] Don't forget I can read lips.
- Abed Nadir: [Signing] I learned how to say this in sign language.
- Professor Ian Duncan: [about the TV show "Bloodlines of Conquest"] They really get the incest right.
- Britta Perry: [to Abed, about the deaf girl] Are you going to have another intense burst of compatibility with a girl we never see again?
- Ben Chang: [singing] Let's do it again. There's a brand-new dance/ Based on an old phrase/ It's called The Fat Dog/ And it will amaze/ You've heard this expression your entire life/ It's not made up, It's not made up.
- Abed Nadir: I really liked her.
- Britta Perry: She probably likes you too, but she also likes cash.
- Abed Nadir: I'm devastated.
- Britta Perry: Now I feel bad. But... You learned a lesson, and I gave a differently-abled person a job.
- [Abed walks off]
- Britta Perry: Oh, no, now I really feel bad. Wait, no. Come back! Let's be fat dogs about this.
- Annie Edison: "Fat Dog For Midterms"? I don't understand.
- Jeff Winger: That's an expression. "Fat Dog For Midterms." Like, "Don't sweat it. Fat dog it". Hang out, relax, like a fat dog.
- Professor Ian Duncan: Look it up on Wikipedia.
- Shirley Bennett: There's an entry in there.
- Crazy Schmidt: Annie, do you want that bulletin board hung up? Let me put in a work order for you.
- [He types into the computer]
- Crazy Schmidt: There you go. That should happen in three to six business months.
- Annie Edison: Any way we could bump that up a little, so it's somewhere above... "Lower flag for Reagan's death?"
- Jerry the Janitor: You gotta talk to a custodian for that, we're janitors.
- Annie Edison: There's a difference?
- Jerry the Janitor: We were just starting to like you.
- Abed Nadir: What happened to you?
- Rachel: Nothing. You never called.
- Abed Nadir: I'm sorry. That was the year of the gas leak, but I won't use that as an excuse.
- Professor Buzz Hickey: [to Annie] You whored yourself out, kid. You wanted that board so bad that you made every board on campus worthless, and in doing so made the school just a shade dirtier. I thought better of you, young lady.
- Dean Pelton: Oh, man. This got Sorkin-y.
- Neil: [about the dance theme "Bear Down for Midterms"] This is way too soon.
- Shirley Bennett: Too soon for what?
- Neil: After this morning in Wisconsin? Bear breaks loose at kid's party, mauls a bunch of people. Why am I explaining this when this is obviously a ghoulish reference to it? The news has been covering it all morning!
- [Everyone turns to stare at Chang]
- Ben Chang: Ohh, *that's* where I got the idea. You know how sometimes you hear something and forget you heard it, but you think you came up with...
- Britta Perry: I don't start watching shows until they're so popular that watching them is no longer a statement.
- Britta Perry: [Britta is trying to spoil a TV show fro Abed] Brince Ironstone's daughter is his mother!
- Abed Nadir: [to a deaf girl he apparently likes] I wish I knew sign launguage.
- [Attemps signing with random gestures]
- Abed Nadir: I detonated a mollusk.
- Annie Edison: What do you want?
- Debra Chambers: Excuse me?
- Annie Edison: Tell us what we can do, so that you can do this for us.
- Debra Chambers: Oh, cool. I didn't know it could work that way. I guess I could use decent parking. Right now they make me park in Annex B.
- [Emotional]
- Debra Chambers: Like a lunch lady.
- Annie Edison: I've compiled a short list of the most immediate Greendale emergencies.
- [Passes everyone a huge booklet]
- Britta Perry: Is deforestation on the list?
- Professor Ian Duncan: I, for one, am glad that this is happening. What this school needs is a band of heroes. Champions willing to rise up and...
- [Reads]
- Professor Ian Duncan: "Get all those potatoes out of the gym."
- Waldron: Know where my department's power comes from?
- Annie Edison: Parking spaces?
- Waldron: Wrong. There was plenty of space to park in dinosaur times, but not one single Parking Department. My power comes from a scarcity of parking, just like your dad's comes from a lack of hugs.
- Annie Edison: Let's be clear. I want everything to get through that porn blocker.
- Debra Chambers: What do you mean everything?
- Annie Edison: EVERYTHING!
- Annie Edison: You might want to start talking turkey, Waldron, because the Macy's parade is almost over, and grandma's getting drunk.
- Annie Edison: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like "Let's Blow Off Steam," and it's trains.
- Ben Chang: I have an idea.
- Annie Edison: Change, your last idea was to murder.
- Professor Buzz Hickey: They want their porn unblocked. Then they'll give you your board.
- Annie Edison: That's what that was? How did you know? Did you investigate pornography when you were a cop?
- Professor Buzz Hickey: Something like that.
- [Entire conversation is signed]
- Abed Nadir: So you don't even know what Ewoks sound like?
- Carol: The subtitles describe it as "yip-chaa."
- Abed Nadir: That's actually pretty close.
- Annie Edison: Great. We have now completed our first task: "Have a productive meeting". For every task that we complete a star goes on the task wall.
- [Tries to pin star, breaks a hole in the wall, and a bird flies out]
- Waldron: You're over-thinking, Annie. It's decorating. Just pick an idea and bear down on it.
- Annie Edison: Really poor choice of words, Ben. Too soon.