Community (TV Series)

Cooperative Polygraphy (2014)

Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Annie Edison : [about Troy leaving]  Somebody say something! Abed?

  Abed Nadir : Cool. Cool cool cool.

  Mara : That's a lie.

• Jeff Winger : I know what Pierce is referring to. I have a box of "forgotten items" in my apartment. I happen to be a single male. Visitors leave things.

  Mr. Stone : Is one of your trophies a pair of Ms. Perry's panties?

  Britta Perry : [gasps]  You told me a hawk stole them! You exploited me, and made me believe in a slightly more magical world!

  Abed Nadir : If you want to collect women's underwear, can't you just buy them?

  Jeff Winger : They have to be won in battle.

  Annie Edison : Ugh! Gross!

  Shirley Bennett : [simultaneously]  Jeffrey!

  Troy Barnes : Awesome.

• Jeff Winger : I think we can all agree that the gross thing here is that Pierce is snooping through my stuff.

  Troy Barnes : Not really, Abed and I go through your stuff all the time. Why do you keep bread in the freezer?

  Abed Nadir : And why does your bathroom mirror say "You're special" when you fog it up?

  Jeff Winger : Look, I don't have to answer these... You took a shower?

  Abed Nadir : Yeah.

• Jeff Winger : [after hearing that his Netflix account is getting used by Troy and Abed]  Is that why my review of "The Grey" is constantly changing?

  Abed Nadir : Yes, stop giving it four stars.

  Jeff Winger : I like Liam Neeson!

  Abed Nadir : Then send him a message about the roles he chooses.

• Mr. Stone : Abed Nadir, did you know that you're insane and nothing that you said ever made any sense to me?

  Abed Nadir : Yep.

  Mr. Stone : Here's your sperm.

• Annie Edison : I know you know it's wrong to do that without telling us. Shame on you!

  Abed Nadir : Okay, I'm ashamed.

  Abed Nadir , Mara : Lie!

• Abed Nadir : I'm a bad person for tracking your location, but you altered my brain chemistry? I was up for three days that week. I invented an entire language, you flitzbarping gitzgorg!

• Mr. Stone : [the group is taking lie detector tests]  You can quit anytime you like, but it should be noted that Mr. Hawthorne's estate is worth over $20,000,000, and only those cleared of his murder can receive their bequeathments.

  Jeff Winger : I'm only gonna say this once. Clearly, Pierce is trying to lure us into a labyrinth of emotional manipulation and strategic instigation. And I think we're all smart enough to know we should quit while we're not ahead.

  Shirley Bennett : I do believe we should...

  Annie Edison : Yes, definitely.

  Troy Barnes : Absolutely.

  Abed Nadir : Yep.

  Britta Perry : Uh huh.

  Mara : They're all lying.

  Shirley Bennett : We all know that, ya judgemental bitch!

• Abed Nadir : Okay, you guys are changing your faces. Are you mad at me or hungry?

• Abed Nadir : Can't look at you right now.

  Troy Barnes : Then you should know I'm crying.

• Annie Edison : Abed, you were by the coffin for a long time. Are you okay?

  Abed Nadir : I'm okay, although...

  Abed Nadir , Troy Barnes : [singing]  Troy and Abed are in mourning.

  Jeff Winger : Will you guys please stop doing that?

  Annie Edison : I can't believe you did it during your eulogy. So uncomfortable.

  Abed Nadir : I don't think the audience got that were singing "mourning" with a "u."

  Troy Barnes : You were singing mourning with a u? Oh, no.

• Abed Nadir : I forgive you, but only to escape the established pattern of self-righteous indignation followed by immediate comeuppance.

• Jeff Winger : Come on, it's just Pierce being Pierce. It's his final wish.

  Abed Nadir : If I had a final wish, I'd use it to stay alive.

• Troy Barnes : You made a profile for a fake dude and lured her into an online relationship. He's catfishing you.

  Annie Edison : You're Olympic pole-vaulting hopeful Brent Underjaw?

  Abed Nadir : I noticed whenever you were in a relationship, you hummed a lot and made pancakes in the morning. It wasn't about hurting you. I did what I did in the name of breakfast.

• Abed Nadir : [the study group is confessing their secrets against each other]  When any of you chew gum, I want to punch you. You may as well have submachine guns in your mouths. It vibrates my skull.

• Mr. Stone : Mr. Nadir, state your name.

  Abed Nadir : Abed Nadir.

  Mr. Stone : Have you ever 9/11'd anyone?