- Annie Edison: Rise up, Greendale! Your teachers have been lying to you! You deserve slightly higher grades!
- Everybody: Slightly higher grades! Slightly higher grades!
- Britta Perry: The whole world is watching this! Oh, wait. I'm out of data minutes. The whole world will be watching this on the first of next month!
- Dean Pelton: I know it's unrealistic to think that we can eliminate riots completely, but I have been crunching the numbers and I believe we can reduce them by 40%.
- Jeff Winger: Let's hope The Man doesn't target you for dreaming this big.
- Troy Barnes: Nicolas Cage is so weird. I mean, he seemed scared to smell that flower but happy to get shot.
- Abed Nadir: He's a complex performer. He'll give you The Rock, Con Air, then Face/Off, and you think you understand, but then Windtalkers, Guarding Tess, The Wicker Man. He begs you to stop watching, but you can't.
- Shirley Bennett: [about Nicholas Cage] Maybe he's just good in good movies and then acts crazy in crap to make drug money.
- Abed Nadir: But is he good, or is he bad? Every actor is something. Robert Downey Jr., good, Jim Belushi, bad. Van Damme, the good kind of bad, Johnny Depp, the bad kind of good. There's a spectrum, and Cage is on it.
- Garrett Lambert: Mr. Winger, how did you do that?
- Jeff Winger: Do what?
- Garrett Lambert: You won an argument against Annie Edison.
- Jeff Winger: You don't argue with Annie, Garrett, you let her argue with herself until she loses.
- Jeff Winger: Okay, so break into groups, and then, you guys quiz each other.
- Annie Edison: Mr. Winger, is that really the best use of our time? Seems like the value of having you here is...
- Jeff Winger: I think my value as a teacher is to teach you how to learn.
- Annie Edison: I think you're telling us we should teach ourselves.
- Jeff Winger: I don't think you're gonna learn if I tell you how to think.
- Annie Edison: I think if you tell us what you think, then we'll learn that.
- Jeff Winger: I thought you should break into groups, but you failed to learn that, so your theory's invalid.
- Student: [Class laughing] Ooh, snap.
- Jeff Winger: An A-minus means you actually earned an "A," but the teacher doesn't like you. It's a secret faculty thing.
- Annie Edison: What?
- Britta Perry: Are you kidding?
- Troy Barnes: Et tu, Brute? Am I using that right?
- Annie Edison: I've been busting my butt for five years, and the whole thing comes down to a few old losers' petty insecurities?
- Britta Perry: Oligarchy!
- Troy Barnes: Et tu, Brute!
- Abed Nadir: I'm not gonna become Christian, Shirley, or a better Muslim. Cinema was my religion. I thought the meaning of people was in here. I looked inside Nicolas Cage and I found a secret: People are random and pointless.
- Annie Edison: The new table turned out great, Abed. Splendid varnishing.
- Britta Perry: [Reads inscription] "Table Mark II"?
- Abed Nadir: I added that, and a few custom upgrades. It's voice-activated. Table, resume table mode.
- [Nothing happens, he smiles proudly]
- Abed Nadir: There's a two-day course called "Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad?" I'm signing up. Always wanted to know. Nicolas is one of pop culture's great mysteries.
- Shirley Bennett: There's a course on Nicolas Cage, but if you mention Jesus to your science teacher, you get a written warning.
- Abed Nadir: Jesus wasn't in 70 movies.
- Professor Buzz Hickey: Place is a zoo. The trick is you gotta show the other baboons you got a bigger, redder ass.