- [first lines]
- Joy Scroggs: Hey, everybody. Our group birthday is coming up, and I know *exactly* who I want to be fixed up with. I met a man this year who touched me deeply.
- Elka Ostrovsky: That could be half of Cleveland.
- Joy Scroggs: It's our poetry professor, Robin York. He's so spiritual and sensitive.
- Melanie Moretti: Well, I want that guy that we met at the PetSmart Charities adoption thing; his name is Rex. Or maybe his dog's name is Rex.
- Victoria Chase: Well, now that I'm engaged, of course I don't need an actual date, which is a good thing, considering the freaks you guys have set me up with. Manboobs, conjoined twins, human tail!
- Joy Scroggs: Oh, come on, that last guy was perfect except for the tail.
- Victoria Chase: Did you hear what you just said? No no, this time I just want a business date; I really want a part in the next Wes O'Rourke movie.
- Joy Scroggs: The indie film director? He went to school with my film professor; I can make that happen.
- Victoria Chase: Excellent.
- Mamie: [knocks and enters] Knock, knock. Look what I brought.
- Joy Scroggs: Oooh, breakfast wine.
- Mamie: It's GLOB wine, which stands for Gorgeous Ladies of Bowling... wine.
- Melanie Moretti: Gorgeous Ladies of Bowling?
- Mamie: That was our team. Nineteen sixty-two and sixty-three city champions.
- Elka Ostrovsky: We bought this wine and said we'd drink it together in fifty years.
- Mamie: Only we lost track of the others.
- Elka Ostrovsky: That's what I want for my birthday: reunite the old gang.
- Melanie Moretti: Well, I can do that. Who are they?
- Mamie: [showing a GLOB poster] There's Elka and me. All we need to find is Diane, Angie and Peg.
- Elka Ostrovsky: There's your professor, Joy.
- Joy Scroggs: So deep and sophisticated. It's like the Leonard Cohen song: he wants to touch my perfect body with his mind.
- Mamie: I'd like to touch his perfect body with my hand.
- [Elka stares at her]
- Mamie: This may not be my first drink.
- Angie: Who got the sponsor to cut the rest of us out of that Ovaltine commercial?
- Peg: He only wanted me.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Yeah, and after he had you, you were in and we were out.
- Peg: Elka was the tramp. Always backing up into a hand drier so it would blow her bowling skirt up.
- Elka Ostrovsky: That was an accident... every time.
- Elka Ostrovsky: I'm sorry I said all those awful things about you.
- Mamie: But you didn't.
- Elka Ostrovsky: Check your Facebook page.
- Robin: You're a beautiful woman, but I don't value outward beauty much. Perhaps that's because I'm... so beautiful myself.