- Alex (Elisha Cuthbert) and Dave's (Zachery Knighton) efforts to keep their breakup under wraps threaten Jane's (Eliza Coupe) plans for the wedding of their domineering older sister (guest star Stephanie March).
- It was a big day around the Kerkovich household. Jane (Eliza Coupe) and Alex's (Elisha Cuthbert) older sister, Brooke, is in town to get married, and Jane has to have everything perfect as the matron of honor. (Yeah, that's the reason.) Despite none of the gang ever having met her (except Penny, whom Brooke doesn't even remember), Jane always feels the pressure around her older sister. It's like Brooke becomes Jane and Jane becomes Alex, and Alex just gets to be the baby. (even had one of those candy pacifiers) Brad (Damon Wayans Jr.) was stoked that there would be a second black man in the Kerkovich family he could talk to and watch in amusement as he went through all the awkward questions Brad did when he started dating Jane, such as if he knew Blair Underwood. And Dave (Zachary Knighton) and Alex had some pressure of their own: they had to keep it quiet that they had broken up.
Brooke (Stephanie March) and her fiance, Elliot (James Lesure), arrived at Brad and Jane's house, where Brooke instantly noticed the thin layer of dust from Jane not being as obsessive about cleaning as she was. Alex, on the other hand, got a bag of Chinese candy from Brooke, the kind where you can eat the wrapper. (ALEX: That'll save me so much time!) And she needed the seating arrangements perfect for the rehearsal dinner. Keep their mother (Julie Hagerty) away from the band so she would pretend it's karaoke night, hypoallergenic flowers only, and NO kids' table. Which went fine. Until Brooke criticized Jane laminating the seating chart. Jane explained it was in case anybody spilled anything, but Brooke thought it was tacky when people could just...not spill. That didn't sit well with Jane, who was getting despondent. And then the seating arragements got screwed up (yes, Mom was singing karaoke), and Jane got demoted to handing out programs at the wedding.
Dave and Alex managed to keep their breakup a secret. Which of course meant Dave told Max (Adam Pally) and Alex told Penny (Casey Wilson). It doesn't take long for each of them to spill the big secret to each other...and to a very gossipy Kerkovich aunt. To cover themselves, they told a bigger lie: that Dave and Alex weren't breaking up, they were breaking ground for a new addition. Which suited the aunt just fine, because she hear a Kerkovich girl talking about pregnancy in the bathroom. The Kerkoviches can't keep secrets, and Alex's 'pregnancy' spread like wildfire. To fix it, Penny and Max told a bigger lie: that Brad and Jane were breaking up. That took about 30 seconds to get through the dinner, and it even expanded to Brad having a love child with some skank. As if Brad wasn't having enough problems with jealousy, since the Kerkoviches were welcoming Elliot with open arms and no awkward questions about his race. Even convincing a Kerkovich to ask Elliot if he knew Blair Underwood backfired, since Elliot really knew Blair Underwood. Although in a way, Dave did tell him he was like Jackie Robinson. Jackie's true legacy was paving the way for other blacks to join baseball; Brad paved the way for other blacks to join the Kerkovich family.
The day of the wedding arrived and Jane was in quite a surly mood. So much so, she was fired from handing out programs and replaced by a podium. She put the programs down and got ready to stand up at the altar. And the programs caught on fire. Thankfully, Elliot was a volunteer firefighter and had the flames out in seconds. Now Brad was in quite a surly mood. As was Brooke, who couldn't get people to shut up about Alex's pregnacy or Brad and Jane's impending divorce, or...wait. These were all rumors. Started by Penny and Alex, which then made sense to everybody.
MAX: Look, I had to change the news cycle, like when I told everybody that Penny was 53.
PENNY: Oh, come on! Nobody gasps on that?
Alex finally came clean and said she was breaking up with Dave. They had gotten stuck in their apartment thanks to some old wood and warm temperatures expanding that wood. And then they got stuck in their bathroom the same way. And then in the glass-enclosed shower. (That might have been some mildew.) Anyway, they talked about how they never really had rebound relationships after Alex left him at the altar and they realized they were each other's rebound relationship. Rather than try to force a bad relationship, they both agreed to just be friends. But the aunt definitely heard a Kerkovich girl talk about being pregnant. Turns out it was Brooke. She was having a shotgun wedding. Complete with the sprinkler system going off from all the smoke and heat.
The ceremony was effectively ruined, but Brooke was able to admit Jane wasn't at fault for it. In fact, she admitted she was always tough on Jane because she knew Jane had unlimited potential and she would always be a colossal screw-up. That's why Brooke had to destroy her. Sure enough, Jane became a huge success and Brooke was proud of her. Besides, it was Max and Penny who really ruined it. (PENNY: She remembered by name!) Elliot thanked Brad for smoothing the way for him in the Kerkovich family, although knocking up Brooke out of wedlock was sure to get him grief. Or praise for providing the first Kerkovich grandchild. As for Dave and Alex, Alex thought it was her duty to hook Dave up with someone cute, but he decided he wanted to dance with his friend that night. All of his friends. And they danced together to Stevie Wonder's For Once In My Life.
See you next season! (hopefully)
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