- Claire Dunphy: What did I tell you about breaking curfew?
- Alex Dunphy: That I should do it more often.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Lily is not gay, it's just a phase she's going through. Oh, my God, did I just say that? Don't tell anyone I said that.
- Phil Dunphy: Hayley, you're not going to quit that job!
- Haley Dunphy: What? Where is this coming from?
- Phil Dunphy: Your future, and it's not pretty.
- Haley Dunphy: I don't get it. In the future, I'm not pretty?
- Phil Dunphy: No, you hold up okay, but you end up divorcing five guys with nicotine fingers.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.
- Manny Delgado: Lo siento, mama. Estoy embarazada.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: You just told me you're pregnant.
- Jay Pritchett: Congratulations. You're glowing.
- Jay Pritchett: Let me tell you something about your prep school friends. I had a job working at a prep school checking coats, those rich snobs used to throw their coats at me, like I was nothing. And this was before your lightweight fabrics. Those things were heavy. You see this scar?
- Manny Delgado: The one you got from the war?
- Jay Pritchett: That's what I tell people. I acutally got this form the scalloped edge of a Burbury coat toggle. I'm still not sure there isn't a piece still in there.
- Phil Dunphy: If something were to happen, not saying it would, I would turn our bedroom into a shrine to Claire.
- Claire Dunphy: Oh, honey.
- Phil Dunphy: And this room into a hall of magic.
- Jay Pritchett: [about Manny's interview] You know those slow-motion movies where they destroy a casino and it implodes? That.