- Guto: I see the dead bodies are terribly mutilated, with fingers stitched onto the eyeballs, and ears reversed into the brain.
- Amanda: Please, take mercy on me!
- Doctor Crumb: No, I have seen the human centipede, and will continue the experiment.
- Guto: I don't want that Chinese guy in there with my monsters! He didn't even say anything when I showed him a cookie!
- Doctor Crumb: Did you try showing him a fortune cookie? That could work.
- Doctor Crumb: Would you like some tea?
- Jean Pierre: No merci, I'm French! We drink wine!
- Doctor Crumb: My masterpiece is complete, the legs of 4,000 human beings stitched together into a quilt.
- Jean Pierre: You're under arrest!
- Doctor Crumb: Haha!
- Guto: Perfect, China! I promise to give you some moo goo gai pan when we get back to the house!
- Doctor Zoox: How did you discover that, Doctor Crumb? Does that super sonic radar scan that far?
- Doctor Crumb: No, I just put the words 'attack' and 'monster' into Google and voilà!
- Jean Pierre: Adventure is for the young, ma chère. It's just you and I.
- Amanda: The correct phrase is 'me and you', Jean Pierre.
- Guto: Okay, if I... if I chop you up in a meat grinder, and the only thing that comes out, that's left of you, is your eyeball, you'r- you're PROBABLY DEAD!