- Frank Shaw: [flatly] Give me those forms.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: [hopefully] You'll be my emergency contact?
- Frank Shaw: [resignedly] Give them to me. Don't get hurt 'cause I'm pulling the plug for anything.
- Amit Patel: [while attacked by a bunny rabbit] Oh! Get off me, you mangy bitch!
- Frank Shaw: Hey Shred, you're always trying to be smarter. Look up "hoisted on one's own petard" and it will literally be a picture of this.
- Victoria Sands: Okay, I think we're done here. I need to know who ate my chocolate bar. Shred, check the waste baskets now. Thanks. Great. Uh, those chocolate bars were laced with high-grade hallucinogenics. Have you seen double rainbow? Someone's about to be 10 times more like that guy than that guy was.
- Dr. Summers: Hey. Did Emily make it back?
- Frank Shaw: [rises akimbo] Uh... I'm not sure.
- Dr. Summers: I was gonna give her a ride but she ran off after her presentation.
- Victoria Sands: Um... can this wait? It's just, we're in the middle of a bit of a crisis.
- Dr. Summers: It's just weird because her speech went so well. She was funny, talking off the cuff... she even sang at one point.
- Victoria Sands: [epiphany] Oh God.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: [enters carrying the contents of a waste basket] Emily ate the chocolate.
- Victoria Sands: All of it?
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: It looks that way, yeah.
- Amit Patel: [checks his desk drawer] Code red. My thin mints are missing, gone without a trace. She's binging.
- Dolores Stubb: [sashays in smugly] Actually, I threw the cookies out. You'll thank me later.
- Amit Patel: [incensed] Actually, I will not thank you. I will not thank you, Delores!
- Jimmy Shaw: [knocking] Oh, look what the cat dragged in.
- Frank Shaw: [sarcastically] It's nice to see you too, Dad. Look, um... I had a near-death experience today and, I don't know, I don't wanna die with things left unsaid.
- Jimmy Shaw: [indifferently] I'm listening.
- Frank Shaw: Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're a terrible father who never had my back and I want you to rot in hell.
- [pausing for response]
- Frank Shaw: So that's it. Those are the two items.
- [turns to walk away]
- Jimmy Shaw: Well look, uh... you came this far, at least come in and have a beer.
- Frank Shaw: [incredulously] Did you just hear what I said?
- Jimmy Shaw: Yeah. Bad father and, uh... the rotting thing. You want a beer or not?
- Frank Shaw: What kind you got?
- Jimmy Shaw: Rainier. I've been drinking the same beer since I was 12. You too good for Rainier now?
- Frank Shaw: I've always been too good for Rainier.
- [enters the house]
- Frank Shaw: What are you, like, 100 now?
- [closes door]
- Amit Patel: Ooh, how's it going with the yogi by the way? Do you like him?
- Victoria Sands: As a person? He's done so much healing he's healed himself right out of an actual personality. But in bed, and I say this as someone with a sufficiently large sample pool, Mmmhmm. Uh, he's detail-oriented.
- Frank Shaw: I've never felt more alive!
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Dude, that snake had plans for you.
- Frank Shaw: A brush with death and an encounter with a world-class athlete.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Okay. That's obviously a little bit hurtful. I came in 7th at Pyeongchang, but I know it's a niche sport.
- Frank Shaw: Listen, don't get needy but you were pretty good back there.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Really?
- Frank Shaw: You're already being needy.
- Victoria Sands: Guys, who ate one of my chocolate bars? There were three and now there's two, and they were hidden way at the back with my frickin' name on it.
- Frank Shaw: If your name's on it, that's sacrosanct. You can look that word up, Shred.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: [under his breath] Sacrosanct...
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: What is gout?
- Frank Shaw: Are you a 15th century British monarch?
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: No.
- Frank Shaw: You don't have it.
- Frank Shaw: [admiratively] Holy crap.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: It's huge.
- [grasps Frank's arm]
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Frank, have you ever dealt with something like this before?
- Frank Shaw: No. And I can't tell you how much, but something that's not nothing just slipped out of me and into my underwear.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: So, who's your emergency contact?
- Frank Shaw: My father.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Aww, I didn't know you were close with your dad.
- Frank Shaw: [capriciously] We're not. I hate that son of a bitch.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Then why did you choose him?
- Frank Shaw: [bemusedly] Well, if something happens to me, he's on the hook. With any luck, I'll be a vegetable requiring 24-hour care.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Who's going to step up and be my emergency contact?
- Frank Shaw: Don't you have family you can ask?
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: My dad died and my mom moved to Florida, but she's got a sweet condo on the beach and she says any time I wanna bring down my emergency contact for a little sand and sea, she has a room waiting.
- Frank Shaw: Oh... well, I hope you and that guy without boundaries have fun with your mom.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Hey, is it okay if I put you down as my emergency contact?
- Frank Shaw: Well, since I'm the guy most likely to harm you, it seems like a conflict of interest.
- AM Dispatch: Truck 12. Resident reporting problem with rabbits. 907 Maple Lane.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Question, have subjects been observed as... wascaly?
- [self-satisfied chuckle]
- AM Dispatch: [irritatedly] Are you going or not?
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Yes. We'll hop right on over.
- [quietly chuckles]
- Frank Shaw: [provoked] That's it, get out.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: What?
- Frank Shaw: We talked about this, two lame jokes before coffee, get out.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: Wait, really? You were serious about that?
- Frank Shaw: [austerely] As a heart attack.
- [reaches across cab, opens passenger door]
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: [Frank shoves Shred out of the truck] Hey. Come on. You're taking this too far, Frank.
- Fred 'Shred' Taylor: [standing in the street as truck drives off] You can come back! I learned my lesson! No jokes before coffee!
- [faintly in the distance]
- Frank Shaw: Donut Wednesday, Delores. It's a sacred tradition. Handed down to us by the Romans. You defiled this holy tabernacle with your cru d'été.
- Amit Patel: [chimes-in] This is our tabernacle, Delores.
- Jimmy Shaw: Okay. This office has a serious case of the late morning sugar blues and someone had to intervene.
- Frank Shaw: How dare you act unilaterally. It's America. It's donuts.
- Templeton Dudge: Looks like I have an email that is stuck in my outbox. Boom!
- [phone alerts chiming]
- Templeton Dudge: Fixed it. Enjoy.
- Emily Price: A gleefully vindictive message from Officer Templeton Dutch.
- Frank Shaw: That jerk got a hold of our body-cam footage.
- Emily Price: Oh, he did know about the rabbits.
- Amit Patel: Ugh.
- Jimmy Shaw: Look at you guys running away from the li'l rabbits!
- Amit Patel: We were regrouping!