Animal Control (TV Series)
Rabbits and Pythons (2023)
Michael Rowland: Fred 'Shred' Taylor
Photos
Quotes
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Frank Shaw : [flatly] Give me those forms.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : [hopefully] You'll be my emergency contact?
Frank Shaw : [resignedly] Give them to me. Don't get hurt 'cause I'm pulling the plug for anything.
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Victoria Sands : Okay, I think we're done here. I need to know who ate my chocolate bar. Shred, check the waste baskets now. Thanks. Great. Uh, those chocolate bars were laced with high-grade hallucinogenics. Have you seen double rainbow? Someone's about to be 10 times more like that guy than that guy was.
Dr. Summers : Hey. Did Emily make it back?
Frank Shaw : [rises akimbo] Uh... I'm not sure.
Dr. Summers : I was gonna give her a ride but she ran off after her presentation.
Victoria Sands : Um... can this wait? It's just, we're in the middle of a bit of a crisis.
Dr. Summers : It's just weird because her speech went so well. She was funny, talking off the cuff... she even sang at one point.
Victoria Sands : [epiphany] Oh God.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : [enters carrying the contents of a waste basket] Emily ate the chocolate.
Victoria Sands : All of it?
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : It looks that way, yeah.
Amit Patel : [checks his desk drawer] Code red. My thin mints are missing, gone without a trace. She's binging.
Dolores Stubb : [sashays in smugly] Actually, I threw the cookies out. You'll thank me later.
Amit Patel : [incensed] Actually, I will not thank you. I will not thank you, Delores!
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Frank Shaw : I've never felt more alive!
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Dude, that snake had plans for you.
Frank Shaw : A brush with death and an encounter with a world-class athlete.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Okay. That's obviously a little bit hurtful. I came in 7th at Pyeongchang, but I know it's a niche sport.
Frank Shaw : Listen, don't get needy but you were pretty good back there.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Really?
Frank Shaw : You're already being needy.
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Victoria Sands : Guys, who ate one of my chocolate bars? There were three and now there's two, and they were hidden way at the back with my frickin' name on it.
Frank Shaw : If your name's on it, that's sacrosanct. You can look that word up, Shred.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : [under his breath] Sacrosanct...
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Fred 'Shred' Taylor : What is gout?
Frank Shaw : Are you a 15th century British monarch?
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : No.
Frank Shaw : You don't have it.
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Frank Shaw : [admiratively] Holy crap.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : It's huge.
[grasps Frank's arm]
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Frank, have you ever dealt with something like this before?
Frank Shaw : No. And I can't tell you how much, but something that's not nothing just slipped out of me and into my underwear.
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Fred 'Shred' Taylor : So, who's your emergency contact?
Frank Shaw : My father.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Aww, I didn't know you were close with your dad.
Frank Shaw : [capriciously] We're not. I hate that son of a bitch.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Then why did you choose him?
Frank Shaw : [bemusedly] Well, if something happens to me, he's on the hook. With any luck, I'll be a vegetable requiring 24-hour care.
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Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Who's going to step up and be my emergency contact?
Frank Shaw : Don't you have family you can ask?
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : My dad died and my mom moved to Florida, but she's got a sweet condo on the beach and she says any time I wanna bring down my emergency contact for a little sand and sea, she has a room waiting.
Frank Shaw : Oh... well, I hope you and that guy without boundaries have fun with your mom.
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Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Hey, is it okay if I put you down as my emergency contact?
Frank Shaw : Well, since I'm the guy most likely to harm you, it seems like a conflict of interest.
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AM Dispatch : Truck 12. Resident reporting problem with rabbits. 907 Maple Lane.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Question, have subjects been observed as... wascaly?
[self-satisfied chuckle]
AM Dispatch : [irritatedly] Are you going or not?
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Yes. We'll hop right on over.
[quietly chuckles]
Frank Shaw : [provoked] That's it, get out.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : What?
Frank Shaw : We talked about this, two lame jokes before coffee, get out.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Wait, really? You were serious about that?
Frank Shaw : [austerely] As a heart attack.
[reaches across cab, opens passenger door]
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : [Frank shoves Shred out of the truck] Hey. Come on. You're taking this too far, Frank.
Fred 'Shred' Taylor : [standing in the street as truck drives off] You can come back! I learned my lesson! No jokes before coffee!
[faintly in the distance]