The Ridiculous 6 (2015)

John Turturro: Abner Doubleday

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tommy aka White Knife : [Running between base plates]  Where you going, nobody hit it.

  Abner DoubleDay : I stole the base. You weren't looking so I stole it.

  Chico : You said you could only advance after you hit the ball!

  Abner DoubleDay : Not when you're stealing.

  Short Stop : That's bullshit.

  Abner DoubleDay : OK, Short Stop.

• Abner DoubleDay : [after credits]  Before you go... Two - four - six - eight - who do we appreciate?

  Chinese Baseball Team : [in unison]  The Stockburns! The Stockburns! Yeah! The Stockburns!

• Tommy aka White Knife : [Playing baseball]  Okay, that's two past ya. So you're done, right?

  Abner DoubleDay : No, no, I said three times.

  Short Stop : No, you said two.

  Abner DoubleDay : I said three! Three strikes and I'm out. I know what I said, shortstop. That's your new name, Short Stop, that's right. Now and forever, forever and ever, Short Stop, Short Stop, Short Stop.

  [laughs] 

• Abner DoubleDay : Let's play ball. Welcome, my friends, to the first ever playing of a new sport. A sport of my own devising. On this field, two ten-person teams will engage in a battle of... Yes, Qi?

  Qi : Only 18 people here.

  Abner DoubleDay : Two nine-person teams will engage in a battle of strength, speed, and strategy. One team will go out onto the field to play defense while the other team will take turns hitting this ball... with a stickie.

  Chico : What are you gonna call this game?

  Abner DoubleDay : What else? Stickie McSchnickens. Now your goal, ball thrower, is to get the ball past me two times without my hitting it. Fire when ready.