- [Kevin, Kane and Julie are at the theater]
- Kevin: Bella should choose Jacob, not that fairy Edward. The stupid girl.
- Julie: You have got to be kidding me...
- Kane: This film makes me feel empty.
- Theater Dude: I know how you feel.
- [Kevin and Kane are at the grocery store counter]
- Stan: Hello. My name is Stan. Can I help you with anything?
- Kevin: Yes. I can't seem to find any bologna.
- Stan: Bologna? Yeah, uh, I sold the last pack five minutes ago. Uh, sorry, dude.
- Kevin: What? Really? Well, I can't have that now, can I? Kane, you know what to do.
- Kane: Affirmative, sir.
- [Kane holds a gun in his hand. Stan sees it]
- Stan: Dude! Like, no! I wasn't even supposed to be here today!
- Kane: Tell it to my gun.
- [while waiting for the subway to arrive]
- Kane: Do I really need to be with you to get groceries?
- Kevin: You're my bodyguard. It's your job to guard me at all times.
- Kane: What will you be getting at the store?
- Kevin: Not entirely sure. Bologna is a must though.
- Kane: I agree. I will make sure no one takes your processed meat.
- Kevin: Good. You protect my meat like you've never protected meat before.
- [Subway train pulls up, coming to a screeching stop]
- Kane: Train is here.
- Kevin: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
- Kane: But sir, my name is Kane.
- Kevin: No shit, Sherlock.
- Kane: If I'm Sherlock, wouldn't that make you Watson?
- Kevin: What the hell are you talking about?
- Kane: You called me Sherlock. Sherlock Holmes has a sidekick - Dr. Watson. Therefore, in your sense, that would make you Watson; making you the sidekick.
- [Kevin sighs]
- Kevin: Just get on the goddamn train.