- Liz Lemon: You can't go to prison, you idiot. They will ravage you and your beautiful woman face. I'll say I did it. I can handle prison. I have a mean face and I can will myself to sleep in any environment.
- Criss: Wait, what are you talking about?
- Liz Lemon: The heist. They saw your van. Why didn't you take out the cameras and kill all the witnesses, you beautiful bastard?
- Criss: I didn't rob a bank, Liz. God! No, I sold the van this morning To a really nice young guy on meth.
- Liz Lemon: You sold Van Der Beek? For me?
- Criss: I sold Van Der Beek For us. I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over.
- Jack Donaghy: I mean, if we wanted this thing to succeed, why would we ask Liz to officiate?
- Liz Lemon: Because I'm good at blending humor and heart?
- Jack Donaghy: I'll always care for you.
- Avery Jessup: We'll split assets in custody equally. I'll take our friends "A" through "L. " You'll get "M" through "Z".
- Jack Donaghy: Liz, divorce us.
- Liz Lemon: By the power vested in me by the website instaminister.estonia, I now pronounce you divorced.
- Jack Donaghy: Any child would be lucky to have you be the mother it loves, then hates for a few years, then loves again, then half-heartedly defends to its spouse, then puts in a home.