Modern Family (TV Series)
Snip (2012)
Julie Bowen: Claire Dunphy
Photos
Quotes
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Luke Dunphy : [Claire has accidentally set off the yogurt trap in his school locker] Mom?
Claire Dunphy : Luke!
Luke Dunphy : What are you doing?
Claire Dunphy : I was dropping off your science project.
Luke Dunphy : Not to my locker! When are you ever gonna stop embarrassing me?
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Alex Dunphy : Mom, what are you doing here?
Claire Dunphy : I am changing my shirt. Why aren't you at school?
Skylar : Mrs. Dunphy, we just...
Claire Dunphy : Oh, no, you don't get to talk, Morticia.
Alex Dunphy : Okay, we cut last period - big deal - because we're shaving the backs of our necks, which is totally a style. But of course, now you're going to freak out like you always do about every little thing.
Claire Dunphy : Let's do it.
Skylar : What?
Claire Dunphy : [Takes the razor] Yeah. Yeah. Let's shave up some heads. Come on. Who's first?
Alex Dunphy : Uh, okay. Okay, mom, we... we don't need you to do that.
Claire Dunphy : Oh, are you afraid?
Alex Dunphy : I'm not afraid!
Claire Dunphy : Then let's do this. It's shaving time. Shavy gravy. Shaved by the Bell.
Alex Dunphy : Why are you talking like Dad?
Claire Dunphy : Hair up, girls! Let's see some napes. Come on. Let's -
[Razor accidentally catches in Skylar's hair]
Claire Dunphy : Oh, God, no!
Alex Dunphy : Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Claire Dunphy : What did you do?
Skylar : What did *you* do? I have my sister's wedding on Saturday!
Claire Dunphy : I'm so sorry!
Alex Dunphy : Uh, Skylar, wait!
Claire Dunphy : I could-I could- I could even that up for you
Skylar : Stay away from me, both of you!
Alex Dunphy : Ugh! You ruined my life!
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Haley Dunphy : You didn't send the little green jacket?
Claire Dunphy : Honey, I am not doing this again. It took me an hour to mail that package before. I have post-post office traumatic stress disorder.
Haley Dunphy : Stop smiling. It's not that clever.
Claire Dunphy : It is clever, and there's no way I'm going back there today.
Haley Dunphy : Oh, my god! I hate you so much!
Claire Dunphy : [Phone beeps] Oh, sorry, that's your father. Gotta go!
Phil Dunphy : Claire, where are you?
Claire Dunphy : Oh, honey, I just had a hellish experience at the post office. I have post-post office traumatic stress disorder.
Phil Dunphy : Nailed it.
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Phil Dunphy : We-We've been talking about doing this for a while.
Claire Dunphy : Yeah. Yeah, ever since Dad and Gloria had their little accident, we don't need any surprises.
Phil Dunphy : Also, though, it will allow for a little more freestylin' in the boudoir if we're not having to worry about adding more critters.
Claire Dunphy : More importantly, it is an essential part of our five-year plan.
Phil Dunphy : Oh, the five-year plan. Talk about the-the Rosses.
Claire Dunphy : The Rosses. Okay, the Rosses are this couple we have known forever, and... they were never able to have kids, so we always felt a little...
Phil Dunphy : Jealous of them.
Claire Dunphy : Yeah.
Phil Dunphy : I mean, we love our kids, but John and Chrissy can travel...
Claire Dunphy : They're always tan. Did you know that Chrissy is eight years older than me?
Phil Dunphy : I would have said eight years younger. There's just a spark in her that - well, look who I'm talking to. You used to have it.
Claire Dunphy : Wow. It's like you don't even hear...
Phil Dunphy : The point is, as long as we don't have another baby, that life is ours in five years when Luke goes off to college.
Claire Dunphy : Or somewhere.
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Phil Dunphy : [Claire opens the privacy curtain] Ohh! It's you. I thought it was the guy coming to shave me.
Claire Dunphy : Oh, good, they haven't started.
Phil Dunphy : He had a little piece of bloody toilet paper on his neck. It was disconcerting.
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Phil Dunphy : [laughing] Honey, look what Manny just sent me.
Claire Dunphy : [On her phone] Hang on one sec. Okay.
Phil Dunphy : [Shows her a picture of Gloria splitting her pants] Is that the funniest thing ever?
Claire Dunphy : [laughs] Oh, yeah.
Cameron Tucker : Oh... oh, my gosh. Mitchell, come here. You have to see what Claire sent us.
Mitchell Pritchett : [On his phone] Okay, wait. One... one second. Okay.
Cameron Tucker : [Shows him the picture of Phil on a bench reading 'Not a Real Man'] Is that hilarious?
Mitchell Pritchett : That's great!
Cameron Tucker : Oh, Phil.
Gloria Delgado-Pritchett : Ay, this is embarrassing.
Jay Pritchett : [Sees a picture of Cameron and their cat in its mermaid costume] I don't know how comfortable I am with this guy teaching our kid.