Animal Control (TV Series)

Weasels and Ostriches (2023)

Grace Palmer: Victoria Sands

Quotes 

• Frank : He'll be happy in literally any situation. Which is the very trait that makes him challenging for me.

  Victoria Sands : Well, what if you viewed it as a growth opportunity?

  Frank : I'm not looking for growth. If growth wants me bad enough, it knows where to find me.

  Victoria Sands : Yeah. Alone in your apartment.

  Frank : Where I am so content. Now... can I interest you in a chicken pesto panini?

  Victoria Sands : I wanna say no, but yeah. Your heart is black but you know how to make a really good sandwich.

• Victoria Sands : [enters]  Yo. Delores... I need the key.

  Dolores Stubb : Name and time.

  [pushes sign-in sheet forward] 

  Dolores Stubb : [Victoria signs and exits]  Connie Lingus? Real mature!

• Amit Patel : [phone vibrating]  Greenview Meadow Preschool. Oh, God in heaven, no. There's no way this isn't something awful.

  [answers phone] 

  Amit Patel : Hello? Yeah.

  [covers phone's mic] 

  Amit Patel : Danny won't poop in school again. He's like me, he gets nervous at away games.

  Victoria Sands : Aww, poor sausage.

  Amit Patel : Yeah, go ahead and put him on. Hey buddy, it's okay, listen. Just like we do at home, okay?

  [begins to sing] 

  Amit Patel : I know what to do... when I'm about to poo... I go to the potty, pull my underwear down...

  Amit Patel , Victoria Sands , Fred 'Shred' Taylor , Animal Control Officer 1 , Animal control officer #2 , Frank : [all sing in unison]  And I sit and wait... I sit and wait... I sit and wait until the poop falls down. Then I wipe and wipe, 'till brown leaves town, I put it in the potty and I flush it down. Whooo!

  Victoria Sands : Banger!

  Amit Patel : Wow, sounds like you had quite a bit. I'm proud of you, my little soldier.

  Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Way to go, Danny!

  Amit Patel : Okay. Alright. Bye.

  [disconnects call] 

• Police Officer : Waiting for the coroner. The guy's been dead three days and no one knew it. His dog never left his side.

  [dog whines] 

  Victoria Sands : We'll find him a good home.

  [Tom exits] 

  Victoria Sands : Three days. Can you imagine?

  Amit Patel : Three days without anybody knowing where I was. I'd kill for that.