Animal Control (TV Series)

Weasels and Ostriches (2023)

Ravi Patel: Amit Patel

Quotes 

• Dolores Stubb : [enters room]  Okay, here's a novel idea. Try standing closer to the toilet and actually aiming so the pee goes in the bowl and not on the floor.

  Frank : That's a terrible idea for a novel.

  [stifled laughter] 

  Dolores Stubb : I will be instituting a key system. So if you have to pee, you come see Dee, there'll be a sign-in sheet on my desk.

  Amit Patel : [under his breath]  Not gonna do that.

• Amit Patel : [phone vibrating]  Greenview Meadow Preschool. Oh, God in heaven, no. There's no way this isn't something awful.

  [answers phone] 

  Amit Patel : Hello? Yeah.

  [covers phone's mic] 

  Amit Patel : Danny won't poop in school again. He's like me, he gets nervous at away games.

  Victoria Sands : Aww, poor sausage.

  Amit Patel : Yeah, go ahead and put him on. Hey buddy, it's okay, listen. Just like we do at home, okay?

  [begins to sing] 

  Amit Patel : I know what to do... when I'm about to poo... I go to the potty, pull my underwear down...

  Amit Patel , Victoria Sands , Fred 'Shred' Taylor , Animal Control Officer 1 , Animal control officer #2 , Frank : [all sing in unison]  And I sit and wait... I sit and wait... I sit and wait until the poop falls down. Then I wipe and wipe, 'till brown leaves town, I put it in the potty and I flush it down. Whooo!

  Victoria Sands : Banger!

  Amit Patel : Wow, sounds like you had quite a bit. I'm proud of you, my little soldier.

  Fred 'Shred' Taylor : Way to go, Danny!

  Amit Patel : Okay. Alright. Bye.

  [disconnects call] 

• Police Officer : Waiting for the coroner. The guy's been dead three days and no one knew it. His dog never left his side.

  [dog whines] 

  Victoria Sands : We'll find him a good home.

  [Tom exits] 

  Victoria Sands : Three days. Can you imagine?

  Amit Patel : Three days without anybody knowing where I was. I'd kill for that.