Community (TV Series)

Basic Lupine Urology (2012)

Michael Ironside: Colonel Archwood

Photos 

Quotes 

• Dean Pelton : Mr. Winger, what is the intention here?

  Jeff Winger : Simple. When Todd smashed our yam, he stole an "A" from us. We want it back.

  Colonel Archwood : You mean *if* he smashed the yam. All you have is the word of this Mr. Star-Burns, who offers up no explanation as to why he was at the scene.

  Dean Pelton : How about it, Jeffrey? What was Star-Burns doing there?

  Jeff Winger : We agreed to withold that information as part of a pinky swear with the witness.

  Colonel Archwood : A pinky swear? This is ludicrous. This whole school is ludicrous. Who honors the pinky swear of a degenerate over the word of a decorated soldier?

  Dean Pelton : I'm inclined to agree with the man in uniform.

  Jeff Winger : Shocker.

  Dean Pelton : Tell us what Star-Burns was doing in that classroom, or your group can take an "F".

  Professor Marshall Kane : Hold up, hold up, hold up. *I* grade my students. Now, what Star-Burns was doing there is irrelevant. What matters is what he saw. I'm upholding the pinky swear.

  Colonel Archwood : What?

  Professor Marshall Kane : Yo, man. You spent your life in the Army. I spent mine in prison. Two places where a man's word is only as good as his uniform. Now, out here it's supposed to be different, and in my class it will be. You two can plead your case to the class and let them decide your grades.

  Jeff Winger : Professor, thank you.

  Professor Marshall Kane : It's not a favor, Mr. Winger. A man's gotta have a code.

• Colonel Archwood : Objection, she's clearly ramping up to something.

  Jeff Winger : Objection, that's not a real objection.

  Professor Marshall Kane : Objection, I hate the both of you. You may proceed, Ms. Edison, but do so with caution. Need I remind you this is not a courtroom?

• Colonel Archwood : Tell us what happened next, Todd.

  Todd : I disarmed the I.E.D. and returned the child to his mother. She offered to give me her only possession... a wooden chair... but I refused. I was only doing my duty and we had plenty of chairs at the base.