Blood Relatives (2022) User Reviews

i'm for sure...

[ops-52535 · 7/10 · 22 November 2022]

Not well adapted to vampire movies, batting around in the night, even though i am a night nurse of proffesion and most of the preference of a vampire is there, yes, ive got some pfangish molars and love beef tartar ive yet to become draculized...

but this was a kinda original take on the pestilence, very nicely set and gone, in the hands of noah segan , with witts and fun without exhagerating the topic of bloodthirst.

Its a small casted and well acted dark comedy about two strangers that meet in the middle of the night due to the need of darkness, a girl and a man, the man who sowed a seed 15 years ago in the heat of the dark, and the girl who grew out of this seed to become a beautyful daughter of his. But blending into blood relatives has its troubles, so here we go...

thanks to a short runtime, youll get flabbergasted when its over, i did at least, therefore a recommend from the grumpy old man. It has great sets, loads of gadgets and sttuff, its neatly camerahandled( the scene with the train in the background is mesmerizing) and its well edited. And its not horror at all, just comedy.

A missed opportunity that lacked the bite to make it stand out.

[Top_Dawg_Critic · 6/10 · 29 January 2023]

This was very poorly written and directed, and surprisingly, just bland and boring, and not funny at all. The concept was interesting, but it missed the mark in every other department. The two leads had zero chemistry, I'm sure mostly due to writer, director and lead actor Noah Segan's failure to direct himself and Victoria Moroles properly. The only really convincing actor was C. L. Simpson as Sylvie. Moroles' and Segan's dialogue also felt forced and convoluted, with Segan's occasional high-pitched voice squealing becoming cringe. The story had nothing much out of its basic narrative to offer - nothing really suspenseful or thrilling, or that wasn't cliched and predictable. For a comedy, we never laughed once. A decent effort for actor Segan to newly dabble in filmmaking, but maybe he wore too many hats on this one.

Boring Relatives

[cahidi · 5/10 · 30 November 2022]

I mean, for a directorial debut it's not that bad. But to be honest, it's kinda boring. I'm not an expert at drama, so I can't really pinpoint what made it boring. Maybe the lack of music? Maybe the lack of background story on the main character, that made the audience having a hard time to care about him? I don't know. I'm not the right person to analyze a drama movie. But I do know that a good drama is the one which doesn't make you wanna fast forward through it. And I did got tempted a few times while watching this. I don't wanna be a jerk, so I'm giving it 5 stars. But I don't recommend this movie to anyone.

Interesting enough concept, but massacred in transition from script to screen...

[paul_haakonsen · 4/10 · 24 November 2022]

Right, well I sat down to watch the 2022 movie "Blood Relatives" because it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, but also because it was listed as a horror comedy.

Needless to say that I hadn't heard about this movie from writer and director Noah Segan prior to sitting down to watch it, so I didn't know what I was in for, aside from it being a vampire-based horror comedy.

And now having sat through the 88 minutes that the movie ran for, I must say that you have to look hard and long for a shred of comedy here. I didn't laugh once throughout the course of "Blood Relatives". Sure, there were elements hinting towards light comedy, but the movie never transitioned into being a comedy. So I feel somewhat cheated on that account, as I was expecting a proper horror comedy. Instead, I was given a horror drama laced with light elements of hints toward comedy.

While writer Noah Segan definitely was on to something here with the script and storyline for "Blood Relatives", then the movie sort of fell flat on the ground after a running start. Yeah, the movie was severely hindered by a really slow narrative without much of anything exciting, thrilling or fun happening. So you essentially just sit through a very slow paced roadtrip for two estranged vampire family members.

The acting performances in "Blood Relatives" was fair enough, but it was a shame that leading actor Noah Segan (actually the writer and director as well, duh!) and leading actress Victoria Moroles hadn't much solid contents to work with from the script that Noah Segan had compiled.

For a horror comedy then "Blood Relatives" was a flaccid and uneventful movie, and not a movie that I would recommend for fans of the horror comedy genre.

My rating of "Blood Relatives" lands on a three out of four stars, because the movie was rather uneventful and way too slow paced.

Offbeat Quirky Comedy

[reymunpadilla · 7/10 · 1 September 2023]

Not for everyone. Gore hounds will hate it. Those who demand 100 million in special effects or big name celebrities. Those who insist every joke be obvious or have toilet humor or be about sex.

I was pleasantly surprised by this low budget indie. It has an off kilter sense of humor that quickly grows on you. That is, if you're willing to actually listen, pay attention, and don't demand explosions and piles of bodies or you get bored.

The writer deserves to be applauded. So do all the actors, and the principal ones have pretty good comedic timing.

In some ways this reminds me of the original short film for Things We Do In the Shadows.

Utterly pointless. Not funny or scary.

[stevelivesey67 · 2/10 · 20 December 2022]

I feel that this movie will be covered by the 'How did this get made"' podcast is the not to distant future.

Jewish vampires?! Really?

Now, I could finish the review there but I have got to spin this nonsense out to the tune of six hundred words so that it qualifies as a review, in the same way that this 'qualifies' as a movie.

It's cheaply made, boring and nothing much happens and then before you know it, it finishes.

It's been 24 hours since I watched it and for the life of me I cannot remember what the movie was about. I think there was the obligatory modern gag about vampires going vegan and then.....nothing.

Pretty simple tale of 2 "people" coming to terms with Incontrollable things in their lives.

[woodspritegardens · 6/10 · 9 January 2023]

I was bored, so I found this movie, & watched it.

It's an old school point & shoot tale, with no fireworks, explosions, CGI, etc.

Anyway, it could have been better.

I didn't notice any Je-w-ish connections, but I'm assuming the paper written in German, explained how he became what he is. His history, was barely touched on.

Also, if he was 115 years old, he sure didn't act it, using present time profanities, and such.

One doesn't just drop old language syntaxes, and suddenly adopt present time syntaxes generally.

If the elder vampire is 115 years old, he would have been born around 1905. Then, it seemed that he might have been turned, around the biological age 35 or so, making the year of his turning 1940, in the midst of WW2. So, from 1940, to the present day, is 1940-50=1 decade. 1950-60 another decade. 1960-70, another. 1970-80, another 1980-90, another. 1990-2000, another. 2000-2010, another. 2010-2020 another. Then 2 years beyond that, = 82 years, 8 decades since he was turned.

That's a lot of time to figure out how to live under cover, and deal with things. Including better finances. How'd he get money for gas, for the long road trip? Pawning historical treasures?

A nearly 100 year old, single male vampire, would have already figured out how to get night jobs, such as night staff at hospitals, overnight truck driver, private security, delivering newspapers before dawn, any other 3rd shift job, etc. Without needing a current ID, such as the way he got a job in the film.

Being single, he could go anywhere, and learn many things, spending each decade doing something somewhere, then the next decade learning something else. So, he'd be more worldly, and not have nothing after all that time.

Someone who lived through those times, wouldn't be so blasé' about most things in the present. This vampire, didn't act his age, so to speak. He would have had decades to deal with his condition, & know that shallow graves were too much work, & obvious.

Also, why drive such a rare car, that could be easily traced?

Driving a old, classic mobile home, would make more sense.

Even today, there are full time RVers, that travel & work as temporary help in random places they end up, such as harvesters, etc.

Also, in this day & time, there'd be no reason she couldn't school online & live & travel in an RV, rather than settling down in one place, which would limit their feeding opportunities.

So, if you suspend logic, it's an OK tale. It would have been better without profanities in it though.

Sleep Inducing

[arfdawg-1 · 1/10 · 14 December 2022]

Absolutely horrible movie. From the very start you know this is going to be a horrible ride.

The acting is downright terrible and the script is so poorly written you'll feel sorry for the actors even tho they are just as bad as the script.

The main problem is it tries too hard to be cute-funny and falls flat nearly all the time. Plus it's rather wordy and the acting isnt really good enough to plow through it.

It's anything for a laff, but It all falls flat.

In the end, the movie becomes tiresome with it's "cutsie" dialog and poor acting. Actually it becomes tiresome way before the end of the movie.

D level garbage not worth watching.

fun potential premise

[SnoopyStyle · 6/10 · 3 June 2023]

Francis (Noah Segan) is a Jewish vampire. He drives a Plymouth Barracuda through the night on the highways of America. One night, Jane (Victoria Moroles) shows up claiming to be his teenage daughter. Her mother recently died and she used the internet to track him down.

The premise has some fun potential. It's a vampire movie, a father-daughter movie, and a road trip movie. It's a little odd that he insists on using Yiddish. It's supposed to be funny. In reality, it's funny for the first couple of times. Maybe if he's playing up being Jewish as a character. Instead, Jane calls him out for imitating The Fonz. I guess that's also Jewish, but they didn't make that joke. The humor is not developed enough. I'm not familiar with Segan. A better comedic presence would help. Moroles is pretty good as the sassy teen. This is a good premise, but it needs a bit more work.

From human to vampire to....Dad?

[Gentleman_Geek · 10/10 · 23 November 2022]

This is the Jewish Vampire Dad family movie you didn't know you needed. It's a film with a lot of heart, laughs, a healthy splattering of gore, and one ultimate truth; there's nothing more transformational than becoming a Dad.

Noah Segan's directorial debut does what his buddy Rian Johnson's movie "Looper" did with Time Travel. He manages to do something refreshingly new in a very well worn genre.

Blood Relatives is a remarkably charming film that had me at "Oy Vey" and never let go.

The casting is perfect. Victoria Moroles as Jane is delightful and there is a particularly brilliant turn by Josh Ruben as a "familiar" character.

I've watched this twice and hope the universe Segan has created has room for more stories.

Jewish vampires. Oy vey!

[SamfurinMinklefists · 4/10 · 26 November 2022]

First off regardless of a films subject or story, anything that's written, directed and starting the same person virtually never works out well. So why 'Blood Relatives' has a 96% Certified Fresh on Rotten Tomatoes, is beyond me... especially after watching the film.

Now lets talk about 'Blood Relatives'. Its largely absent of both foley and diegetic sounds, mainly consisting of just 1-on-1 dialog and the occasional Yiddish(or punk rock) ditty. Which from my perspective, makes the film just feel hollow. The acting itself and cinematography weren't bad at all, and I did appreciate the on location filming over a studio/green-screen production.

However, 'Blood Relatives' ultimately failed to deliver any meaningful substance, I'd call it neither a comedy nor horror. And again, why it has one of the highest Tomato ratings, with 22 Fresh critic reviews, is beyond me. What I can tell you though, is the theme seems to be founded in a mutual consensus of finding the film "charming". The adjective shows up in almost all critic review synopsis'. IMHO that's just a passive-aggressive way of saying it was bad!

Fantastic movie.

[greg_bingham · 10/10 · 8 December 2022]

This is a fantastic movie. So good that I had to log into IMDB just to rate it. The IMDB ratings at the moment do not accurately reflect the quality if this movie. I went into watching the movie blindly on Shudder and loved it. This movie is not like other movies with similar subject matters. Variety is the spice of life. I love the other movies too, but this stands out.

It's a touching movie with bits of humor. Live a little and relax, those who do not agree.

I want more of this movie - it is a little short, so I'm giving it 10 stars instead of 11 - and I want more movies like this. Hope I don't have to wait long.

There is some humor to make the movie more playful and fun.

[trinaboice · 8/10 · 26 October 2023]

IN A NUTSHELL: A vampire's loner lifestyle is thrown into disarray when a teenager shows up claiming to be his daughter, and she's got the fangs to prove it. On a road trip across America's blacktops, they decide how to sink their teeth into family life.

The movie is both written and directed by Noah Segan. But wait, he also stars in it! That always impresses me, especially for a first-time director! I'm curious to see what else he has to say.

THINGS I LIKED: This unconventional road-trip flick features two vampires played by Noah Segan and Victoria Moroles.

Yiddish words like Mensch, "oy vay", "putz", and "schlep" are used.

It looked like the scenes were actually filmed on location, rather than on a green screen, which is always refreshing.

There is some humor to make the movie more playful and fun.

We get to watch an ancient vampire transition into a dad.

Some moral territory is covered as the vampires discuss the rights and wrongs of vampire life.

The film makes a statement on how we all just want to belong and know where we came from.

The filming and lighting were good, especially considering so many scenes took place at night.

THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE: It's a slow burn with a "meh" payoff.

Not all of the humor lands.

Not that much really "happens" to propel the movie into more than just a road trip film.

Fans of horror will be disappointed that there isn't more action.

TIPS FOR PARENTS: Lots of blood and some gore Profanity, including F-bombs Crude language and conversations

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