Castle (TV Series)

An Embarrassment of Bitches (2012)

Nathan Fillion: Richard Castle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kate Beckett : Here's what *I* don't get. How does this woman have her own perfume line, an army of paparazzi outside her apartment, millions of Twitter followers, dozens of magazine covers, all with no discernible talent to account for it?

  Richard Castle : Even more perplexing. Why in almost every photo is she posed like this?

  [poses; a gang of photographers start to take pictures] 

  Richard Castle : Oh guys, sorry, no time for photos. Okay, maybe just one.

  Photographer : Hey, that's not Jason Bateman.

  [everyone puts down their cameras and grumble away] 

  Richard Castle : That's getting old.

• Richard Castle : You have a friend named "Buttons"? A human friend?

  Alexis Castle : Her mom called her that when she was little and it stuck.

  Richard Castle : [chuckles]  Now so is she.

  Alexis Castle : Buttons and I bonded over being rejected from Stanford. In fact, we applied to a *lot* of the same schools, so we were planning to visit a few campuses together this weekend...

  Martha Rodgers : Ah.

  Alexis Castle : ...Make a road trip out of it.

  Richard Castle : Whoa! Okay, whoa. Where are you staying, who's driving and who is chaperoning?

  Alexis Castle : We were going to take your Ferrari and hook up with some boys we met on Craigslist.

  [Alexis throws her father a look to show she's being sarcastic] 

  Richard Castle : Not cool.

  Martha Rodgers : Honey, don't be such a killjoy. I'm sure Buttons' mother is going along.

  Alexis Castle : She is, and she's very responsible.

  Richard Castle : Yeah, except when it comes to picking nicknames.

  Alexis Castle : Look, if you want, I could have Mrs. Dutton stop by to meet you when she picks me up.

  Richard Castle : Yeah, I think that'd be o... Her last name is Dutton? Your friend's name is "Buttons Dutton"?

  Martha Rodgers : That is unfortunate.

  Alexis Castle : What's so wrong with that?

  Richard Castle : Oh, come on, it'd be like calling me "Rassle" or "Tassel"...

  [answers phone while still talking] 

  Richard Castle : ... or "No Hassle Castle".

  [to phone] 

  Richard Castle : Hey. No, I was just making a point... Please don't call me that.

• Kay Cappuccio : I cannot believe that someone has been watching me.

  Richard Castle : Ms. Cappuccio, when you say that your dog goes with you everywhere...

  Kay Cappuccio : Oh, my God. He could have seen me in the shower, he could have seen me and Reggie in bed together... He could have seen me without my makeup. I feel so violated.

• [having agreed to temporarily keep the victim's dog at the precinct] 

  Kate Beckett : Well, there's gotta be some food for him at Francisco's place. Who wants to make a run for it?

  Javier Esposito : To go get dog food?

  [Beckett nods] 

  Javier Esposito : Castle.

  Richard Castle : Ryan.

  Richard Castle : Esposito.

• [trying to decide what to do with the victim's dog] 

  Richard Castle : Or... we could keep him here at the precinct. I mean, we could use a mascot.

  Javier Esposito : I thought that's what you were.

• Richard Castle : Tell me, does the phrase "corporate espionage" mean anything to you?

  Kay Cappuccio : No.

  [pause] 

  Kay Cappuccio : No, seriously, I have no idea what it means.

• [last lines] 

  Alexis Castle : Whoa, Dad, slow down. I'm leaving for college soon, remember? You can't have a dog in your dorm room.

  Richard Castle : Right... I know, I'll just take care of him here, you can come visit him whenever you can.

  Alexis Castle : So... this dog you want to get, you know, for me? This wouldn't be an enticement to come home from college more often, would it?

  Richard Castle : Don't pretend like you're smarter than me. I taught you subtext, young lady.

  Alexis Castle : Don't worry. I'll come back and visit so much you'll be sick of me.

  Richard Castle : Promise?

  Alexis Castle : Yeah. Someone has to leave food out fo you once in a while.

  Richard Castle : Speaking of, I'm kind of hungry right now.

  Alexis Castle : Kibbles 'n Bits?

  Richard Castle : Peanut butter on a spoon?

  Alexis Castle : [laughs]  Chinese.

  Richard Castle : I'd like a sandwich.

  [Alexis sighs] 

  Richard Castle : Welcome home.

  Alexis Castle : Yeah.

• Richard Castle : So the dog was at the crime scene at the time of the murder.

  Kate Beckett : What do you want us to do? Bring him in for questioning?