Community (TV Series)
Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps (2011)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
-
Jeff Winger : No, no. I'm no sociopath. I always know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like taking tests, doing work, or getting yelled at. So if you think about it, that makes me the sanest person here.
-
Newscaster on the radio : In the news tonight, top story: An escaped convict from the asylum has escaped, and he's mental and he's on the loose and stuff.
Britta Perry : Oh, my God. That sounds dangerous.
Jeff Winger : Oh, I'm sure it's no biggie, but I am a horny man. I'm only half-present.
Newscaster on the radio : He was last seen in the woods and has a thingy for a hand, a hook thing where his hand should be. You know what I mean.
-
Dean Pelton : Trick or Dean!
[Jeff and Britta gasp]
Dean Pelton : Don't forget to come by our Halloween scare-tacular dance, starting in the cafeteria at 9:30. Also, I had the lights rigged to flicker. Halloween week!
Jeff Winger : So the lights will work on November 1st?
Dean Pelton : All Saint's day...
[Leaves the room]
Dean Pelton : Month!
-
Britta Perry : We learned an important lesson tonight. We should never make the Britta of Britta-ing each other's feelings.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're using it wrong.
Jeff Winger : Wow. You Britta'd "Britta'd."
Abed Nadir : Yeah, way to pull an Abed.
Shirley Bennett : I don't get it.
Jeff Winger : Shirley, don't Pierce.
Pierce Hawthorne : I don't get it.
-
Jeff Winger : [Annie giggles at Jeff's racer costume] What? I'm one of the "Fast and Furious" guys.
Abed Nadir : Which one?
Jeff Winger : Oh, I don't know. I don't watch that shallow crap. I just pick a costume girls will like.
-
Jeff Winger : You probably just Britta-ed the test results somehow.
Britta Perry : No, I double-checked them. Wait. Are people using my name to mean make a small mistake?
Jeff Winger : [Long pause] ... Yes.
-
Britta Perry : Jeff, can I have a quick conversation with you?
Jeff Winger : Doubtful, but I support the dream.
-
Britta Perry : Is this your test or what?
Jeff Winger : How should I know? It's just a bunch of bubbles.
Annie Edison : Wait! Give me those. Why are the scores on the bottoms of the sheets? They should... Britta, look at the arrow. You ran these through the machine upside-down.
Abed Nadir : She Britta'd it.
Britta Perry : Whatever.
[snatches test sheet]
Britta Perry : I'll run them through again. And you guys are gonna stop using my name to mean, "making a tiny and understandable mistake."
[nearing tears]
-
Britta Perry : Do not judge me for my weakness.
Jeff Winger : Stifle your slackened maw, you drained and tainted bitch dog.
Britta Perry : I'm fine with this.
-
Jeff Winger : I'm sorry, you were about to get ridiculous?
Britta Perry : Look! One of the tests came back with 70 out of 75 red flags for an extreme personality disorder. Extreme, Jeff!
Jeff Winger : [gasps feigning surprise] Like a dorito?
Britta Perry : A sociopathic dorito. A cool ranch lunatic. Only instead of zest, Jeff, one member of our study group has... homicidal tendencies.
[thunder clap]
Jeff Winger : I think one member of our study group is an overzealous psych major. You probably just Britta'd the test results somehow.
