Hardly Beloved (2011 Video)

Mark Baranowski: Chad Podosek

Photos 

Quotes 

• Danielle : Eryk, I brought you to the park to run around and play! What's the problem?

  Eryk : You're the problem! Bad guy! You've got nuts in your udders!

  Danielle : What does that even mean?

  [to herself] 

  Danielle : I give up. I swear...

  [into the phone] 

  Danielle : Hello?

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  Hey, cuz. How's your day out with Eryk goin'?

  Danielle : [into the phone]  I won't even answer that. This kid is unbelievable!

  Eryk : Look, I'm holding my penis!

  Danielle : [into the phone]  I think he's been around your dad too long. My God... Anyway, what's up?

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  I need some advice. You think I should have an affair?

  Eryk : You're Butt Girl and I'm Penis Boy! Butter udders!

  Danielle : [into the phone]  Absolutely not. Keep your hands in your pockets and your zipper zipped up. The risk of you getting someone else pregnant makes me wanna bury myself alive.

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  Well, damn.

  Danielle : [into the phone]  Sorry. Why do you ask?

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  Cynthia's in our shed right now, with another woman.

  Danielle : [into the phone]  So? What are they doing?

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone, incredulous]  Well, they're not admiring my garden tool collection! Whaddya think they're doing?

  Danielle : [into the phone]  That bitch!

  [lowers the phone, to herself] 

  Danielle : I thought our time together meant something!

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  What?

  Danielle : [into phone]  Nothing. You know what...? Yes. By all means. Get yourself a mistress. Better yet, get three. You deserve it.

  Chad Podosek : [into the phone]  I think I will. Thanks, Danielle!

  Danielle : [into the phone]  Don't mention it.

  [sarcastic] 

  Danielle : Now let me go so I can have some more fun with your son.

  Eryk : Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

  Danielle : [to Eryk]  Well, at least you're running around.

• Chad Podosek : I know you're in there... and I know what you're doing!

  Cynthia Podosek : You don't know anything, Chad! Go away!

  Chad Podosek : You're wrong! I know a lot!

• Chad Podosek : I tried telling him it was my grandma that wrote my name all over the house, but he didn't believe me... He was the world's greatest asshole, but he wasn't stupid.

• Chad Podosek : Doc, I'm sure any possibilities would have been better than how things turned out.

• Dr. Jane Lee : Wait a minute. He covered your face with a pillow? For how long?

  Chad Podosek : Just until I didn't move around so much. Then he took it away and went outside... Playtime was over.

  Dr. Jane Lee : I'd hardly call that playtime... Where was your mother during all this?

  Chad Podosek : Another room, or at the store. I don't remember. It's not like she wasn't aware of how he treated me... She just couldn't be bothered.

  Dr. Jane Lee : I can only assume things grew worse as you got older...?

  Chad Podosek : Yeah, something like that.

• Chad Podosek : You know, the worst part about it... My mom's parents never liked Barry, but when she finally left him, they took his side.

• Danielle : Chad, she's still your wife. Running out and doing the same thing she's been doing to you might only backfire and cause you more trouble than you've already got... Are you guys still having sex?

  Chad Podosek : Uh... Yeah.

  Danielle : Then you can't exactly cry Alienation of Affection. She's not even seeing other men.

• Chad Podosek : Did you enjoy your meal?

  Bridget : Very much, thank you.

  Chad Podosek : Good! So... what would you like to do now? Go to a movie, walk through the park, head back to my place...?

  Bridget : I would love... to go back to your place.

  Chad Podosek : Are you serious?

• Bridget : Chad... I think I love you.

  Chad Podosek : Really... Well, that's swell.

• Bridget : You lied.

  Chad Podosek : No, I just didn't tell the whole truth. But, Bridget, listen...

  Bridget : YOU FUCKING LIED!

• Chad Podosek : It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I certainly didn't plan on going to bed with you!

• Chad Podosek : I think we really have a special... connection, and it'd be a shame to throw that away... Don't you agree?

• Pug : Take your life back, man! Go out there and tell those motherfuckers to take their beer and sit in their own yard with their jungle music!

  Chad Podosek : Um... that's my beer.

• Chad Podosek : Cynthia's having sex with another woman in our shed.

  Joe Podosek : And... you're calling me. Weren't you invited?

  Chad Podosek : No, Dad! That's the problem! What should I do?

  Joe Podosek : You should be a man and crash their party! Cynthia's your wife, for chrissakes! If she wants to add a woman to the mix, you're entitled to be there to lick the batter! If you need me to tell you that, you're hopeless!

• Chad Podosek : You know, this whole Internet Dating thing is so much easier than the bar scene we grew up with. Type in what you're looking for, and bam, take your pick... And I think I've just taken mine.

• Pug : But you're lettin' 'em walk all over you!

  Chad Podosek : Yeah... Story of my life.