House M.D. (TV Series)

Changes (2011)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• [last lines] 

  Dr. Gregory House : It'll end horribly.

  Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : Not for him. She make take all his money. He may be a naive idiot. But he'll always be hopeful. So he'll always be happy.

  Dr. Gregory House : You lost your mother. Euthanized your brother. You have the life expectancy of a pretty good sit com. If you can convince yourself that you'll be miserable no matter what, even without all that stuff, maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.

  Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : And you - dumped by everyone you ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.

• Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy]  You know, I was just thinking. How much I wanted a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.

• Dr. Gregory House : Your High School boyfriend who dumped you. Leaving you unable to believe that anyone can rekindle and old flame.

  Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister.

  Dr. Gregory House : ...Would you mind letting him down gently? I might've made promises that you can't keep.

• Dr. Eric Foreman : I need a hooker.

  Dr. Gregory House : Not if you can make that work.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : How the hell is that supposed to relax you?... It's not for me, it's for Chase.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm saving myself, too. Maybe you should get a couple.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : You're riding me, why not ride him?

  Dr. Gregory House : Because I can get a rise out of your BP, his pee-pee, on the other hand... Forget yoga. Embrace Zen. You're a repressed idiot, he's a horny idiot. Neither one of you can do anything about it... Pretty sure that's Zen.

• Dr. Gregory House : Janet Hemorrhoid!

  Janet : That's not my name. It's why I'm here.

  Dr. Gregory House : Oh, I see, it goes across. We better make this fast 'cause I'm about to lose my medical license for malpractice. It's nothing unusual. Head of the hospital's about to lose hers, too.

  [Janet walks away] 

  Dr. James Wilson : I heard Cuddy quadrupled your clinic hours.

  Dr. Gregory House : Yeah, but you know what? I'm flying through patients.

• Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : I just said treatment for both is chelation.

  Dr. Gregory House : I said force diuresis and try dialysis. You need a transcript?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : You wanna put him on dialysis, risk infection and hemodynamic swings, when we can just chelate?

  Dr. Robert Chase : Whoa! Whoa! Settle down.

  Dr. Gregory House : If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy, old job or his still lousy new life, which, for the purposes of a metaphorical argument, is very important.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : Pointless to argue. He's the boss, he needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against a wall?

  Dr. Gregory House : When you're done with the patient, treat Foreman by banging his head against a wall.

• Dr. Chris Taub : I'm sure some people will screw up anything. But some won't. That kind of case, he has a *chance* to turn a miserable life around.

  Dr. Gregory House : Miserable is miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets.

  Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley : Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout is gonna change that.

  Dr. Gregory House : It's like there's two of me.

• Dr. Gregory House : Why haven't you been yelling at me about the Cuddy twins?

  Dr. James Wilson : Because you're doing the right thing.

  Dr. Gregory House : Are we talking about the same issue? Is there something I don't know about that I responding to appropriately?

  Dr. James Wilson : Cuddy wants you in the middle of this, so does Arlene. Because they don't want to face their own problems. Somehow in your knee-jerk juvenille response, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.

  Dr. Gregory House : ...You're right... That was Cuddy's strategy all along. She wanted me to *think* that she desperately needed to be there so that I wouldn't be there.

  [Wilson groans] 

• Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to Arlene Cuddy]  Mom. Here's a check. It's a settlement for all you've been through. Of course you can stay in your home, it was wrong of me to suggest otherwise.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm sorry - that we saved your life - in the way that we did.

• Cyrus : Am I gonna live?

  Dr. Gregory House : Cut out the teratoma and what's left of your cancer, you should be fine. Think of it as your second luckiest day.

  Cyrus : It's hard to feel lucky. The woman I loved was a fraud.

  Dr. Gregory House : No, actually, a fraud was a fraud. You fell for her just the same... You may stay miserable, but your long-lost love is not gonna be the reason why.