- [speaking at the seminar]
- Creed Bratton: Two eyes. Two ears. A chin. A mouth. Ten fingers. Two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I've just described to you the Loch Ness monster. And the reward for his capture? All the riches in Scotland.
- Andy Bernard: [Speaking to camera] I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately. Or ever. This is my only idea about how to turn things around. If it goes badly I might lose my job. Which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at.
- David Brent: Oh, sorry, mate.
- Michael Scott: [English accent] Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate.
- David Brent: [laughing] What you doing?
- Michael Scott: English?
- David Brent: You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that.
- Michael Scott: Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?
- David Brent: Yeah big time, yeah.
- Michael Scott: I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah.
- David Brent: Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?
- Michael Scott: Michael Scott.
- David Brent: Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li
- [bleep]
- David Brent: . That's what it sounds like.
- [Michael laughs]
- David Brent: Herrow! Herrow!
- Michael Scott: I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!
- David Brent: You can't do that these days. You can't.
- Michael Scott: No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.
- David Brent: No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said.
- [laughs]
- David Brent: .
- [Michael hugs David]
- David Brent: Ohh.
- Michael Scott: That's good. Pleasure to meet you.
- David Brent: Where are you working?
- Michael Scott: Dunder Mifflin.
- David Brent: Any jobs now?
- Michael Scott: No, not right now.
- David Brent: Just let me know.
- Michael Scott: All right. See you around.
- David Brent: Alright.
- Michael Scott: Bye-bye. What a nice guy.
- Pam Beesly: Here's the story, that guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom.
- Jim Halpert: Tom Witochkin, one of my best buddies, actually.
- Pam Beesly: And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group.
- Jim Halpert: It was blue group, so it was second from the top.
- Pam Beesly: And Tom...
- Jim Halpert: Was in green group.
- Pam Beesly: And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spent time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she thought that they would be a good inffluence.
- Jim Halpert: And that's what I told him.
- Pam Beesly: Right, but how'd you say it?
- Jim Halpert: [pause] My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with.
- Tom: Hey!
- Jim Halpert: Hey!
- Tom: Hey, how's it going?
- Jim Halpert: Pretty good, yeah.
- Tom: It's been a while.
- Jim Halpert: It has been, yeah.
- Tom: So... you work here, huh?
- Jim Halpert: Sales.
- Tom: Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory
- [Jim laughs awkwardly]
- Tom: cause you're so smart.
- Jim Halpert: Oh man, you remember that, huh?
- Tom: Oh barely, I'm so dumb. You know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you, probably remember every paper sale you ever made. Paper salesman... genius.
- Jim Halpert: [Uncomfortable pause] Alright, good catch up.
- Tom: Yeah.
- Jim Halpert: See ya.
- Tom: [Loudly] Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?
- Kevin Malone: Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.
- Pam Beesly: [Looking at Erin's phone, who's playing Scrabble against Gabe] K-A. "Ka"? What does "Ka" mean?
- Oscar Martinez: It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you.
- [Looks at Erin's phone]
- Oscar Martinez: Why did you play "moo"?
- Erin Hannon: Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing "moo," I'm playing "milk." Whatever it takes.
- Oscar Martinez: Okay, but look, you could have hit "mood." Would have played a... Triple word.
- Erin Hannon: Uh! Like the cow mood yesterday. God.
- Oscar Martinez: Or "moon"?
- Erin Hannon: The cow jumped over the moon
- Oscar Martinez: She's stuck on that one thing...
- Pam Beesly: You know it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?