Kickassia (2010 Video)

Paul Schuler: Paw

Quotes 

• Paw : That's a game of Risk.

  Linkara Patton : Yes, and it's also gonna serve as our battle plan. Now then, just assume that Northern Europe here is the Government House, and Greenland is the Back Yard. Angry Joe and I will be stationed here!

  [points at the United Kingdom] 

  Linkara Patton : Handsome Tom and 8 Bit Mickey will travel in through the back, then Monty will come in through Messina

  Bennett the Sage : Wait, wait! You can't travel that way, the countries have to be connected!

  Linkara Patton : No they don't.

  Bennett the Sage : Yes they do! See? See those dotted lines? They connect!

  Linkara Patton : They do?

  Bennett the Sage : Well, I thought so.

  Paw : I thought you needed dice for this.

  Linkara Patton : Do you?

  JewWario : How *do* you play this game anyway?

  Board James : Well guys...

  [He picks up box of Risk] 

  Board James : Glad you asked. You got your deck of 56 risk cards, 3 red dice, 2 white dice, 6 sets of colored armies, and, of course, your game board because every board game has a game BOARD! The first step is to claim all the territories. Each player rolls 1 die. Whoever rolls the highest number gets to place one of their armies on the territory of your choice. After all territories are claimed, game play begins. At the beginning of every turn, count the number of territories you already own, then divide the number by 3. Then add that number of armies. You can also get armies by trading in certain combination of cards. You get the cards from capturing a territory. The attacker rolls the red dice based off the number of armies on the territory which is attacking. The winner is the first greedy bastard to take over the whole world. And that's... all there is to it

  Linkara Patton : Hey, that's good to know! Thanks, Board James!

  Board James : Well, thank *you* for the, uh... obligatory cameo.

• Cinema Snob : Look, I'll have a talk with the Critic, see if any of this is true.

  Paw : What if he suspects us going behind his back?

  Cinema Snob : He won't suspect us. I'll put it very delicately.

  [scene cuts to Snob talking to Critic] 

  Cinema Snob : Everybody thinks you're nuts.

• 8-Bit Mickey , Lee , Handsome Tom , Paw , Film Brain , LordKat , Rollo T : I believe in Santa Christ.

• Phelous : Well, *that* didn't work.

  Bennett the Sage : Didn't you have any other strategy outside of going, "Aaaaaaahhhhh!"

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, I didn't think that far ahead.

  Cinema Snob : No, you just thought up to where everyone was in charge, and *you* were ruling the fucking world.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes.

  Paw : You can't just do that, Critic. You have to plan these things out. You have to have a strategy for God's sake!

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah, but that takes hard work. Hard work that we do not have!