Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Leprechaun (2010)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, Lucky the Leprechaun

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Opening lines] 

  [NC is wearing an outfit similar to the Cinema Snob and talking in a low deep voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Cinema Snob. If you're like me, what's the first thing you think of when you think of Halloween? That's right! Leprechauns.

  [Images of various leprechauns are shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Most of you would connect this famous icon to St. Patrick's Day. Well, that's because most of you are sheep. *Halloween* is the holiday to be associated with this mythical creature. Don't believe me? Then just check out "Leprechaun".

  [the movie's title screen is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Finally, somebody sees these creepy bastards for the little demon-fucks that they are. This movie realizes four-foot men in green hats, pointy shoes and high-pitched voices are the epitome of fear. And we're gonna review this little masterpiece right here today...

  [Cinema Snob walks in to sit down next to NC] 

  Cinema Snob : Uh, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

  Nostalgia Critic : [Long pause]  I'm the Cinema Snob.

  Cinema Snob : I'M the Cinema Snob.

  Nostalgia Critic : No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

  Cinema Snob : No, I'M the Cinema Snob.

  [They both hiss through their deep breath and sigh with a low groan of disgust] 

  Cinema Snob : Well, okay. What do you say we review this anus turkey together?

  Nostalgia Critic : I would like that.

  [They both laugh simultaneously, hiss through their deep breath and then look at the camera, groaning in disgust] 

• Nostalgia Critic : Seriously, this movie is so unbelievably not scary, that it just deepens my voice.

  Nostalgia Critic : [Speaks lower upon each word]  Deeper... and deeper... deeper... and deeperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

  [Coughs and gets frustrated, resumes to talking normally and puts on his trademark hat] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Goddamnit! I'm sick of this shit! How the hell do you do that voice?

  Cinema Snob : Years of drinking Crystal Pepsi, my friend.

• Nostalgia Critic : As the credits roll, we see a guy named Dan O'Grady come home from Ireland to North Dakota. Must have been that... big... Ireland to North Dakota rush.

• Dan O'Grady (Shay Duffin) : I'll give you more than gold!

  [Shoots the leprechaun a few times] 

  Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) : Your bullets won't stop me forever. I'll keep coming back!

  [Dan approaches the leprechaun behind a large wooden crate, then the film dissolves to Dan picking him up] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Well, wait a minute! What did we miss? Bullets can't hurt him but then he's suddenly passed out? In fact, why is there even an edit there? They just dissolve to the exact same scene.

• Nostalgia Critic : Cut to a mere 10 years later as we see one of the main characters played by...

  [It is revealed to be a pre-stardom Jennifer Aniston, to NC's surprise] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Jennifer Aniston? She's in this movie?

  Cinema Snob : Yep! Jennifer Aniston's old career is like David Schwimmer's current career.

  Nostalgia Critic : Alright, just keep the "Friends" jokes to a minimum.

  Cinema Snob : I make no promises.

• J.D. Reding (John Sanderford) : Honey... you really think... money's all you need to get by in this life?

  Nostalgia Critic , Cinema Snob : Well, she *is* Jennifer Aniston.

• Cinema Snob : She runs into one of the housepainters, played by Jim Carrey Bacon here, as he's part of a paint company called "Three Guys That Paint".

  Nostalgia Critic : You'll never guess what they do.

  Cinema Snob : Paint?

  Nostalgia Critic : No! Make obnoxious comedy relief.

• [During Alex & Ozzie's obnoxious comic routine] 

  Cinema Snob : Please tell me they die.

  Nostalgia Critic : I'll pray for us both.

• Nostalgia Critic : That little twerp - who I swear is the long-haired version of Ness - is named Alex, who you might remember from "Mr. Nanny".

  Cinema Snob : And "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead".

  Nostalgia Critic : Never saw it.

  Cinema Snob : Good.

• [after a jump scare] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [Waves his arms in the air]  CAT!

  Cinema Snob : [Mimicking NC]  DOG!

  Nostalgia Critic : [Looks at CS]  What are you doing?

  Cinema Snob : I dunno. I just thought we were shouting animals.

  Nostalgia Critic : No. Only I may do that.

  Cinema Snob : Oh. OK.

• Ozzie (Mark Holton) : It's a magic rainbow.

  Cinema Snob : Yeah, can it make this movie good?

  Nostalgia Critic : No no no no, they said it's a *magic* rainbow, not a *miracle* rainbow.

• Cinema Snob : They follow the rainbow to where O'Grady hid the gold when Blimp-Ox here actually swallows one of the coins. My guess is that he thought there was chocolate inside.

  Alex (Robert Hy Gorman) : Do you know what this means? We can get you an operation.

  Ozzie (Mark Holton) : For what?

  Alex (Robert Hy Gorman) : To make you smart. See, we can go to the hospital and have them operate to fix your brain.

  Nostalgia Critic : What is this, Clovers for Algernon? No operation can make you smart! Hell, if it could, the producers of this movie would have gotten it ages ago!

• [the "3 Guys That Paint" sign on the pickup truck is shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Hey, is it me, or do you totally want to see a sitcom called 3 Guys That Paint?

  Cinema Snob : Yeah, I could actually see that happening.

  [a fake CBS promo begins to play] 

  Cinema Snob : [In an announcer's voice]  This fall on CBS. One's a good-looking painter, one's a bumbling doofus and the other is the boy with a heart of gold. Top it all off with a psychotic killing leprechaun and you have the hit family sitcom of the year: 3 Guys That Paint. Coming this fall on CBS.

  [the caption "What's Not To Love?" is shown, then "Only CBS"] 

  Cinema Snob : Welcome home.

  [the text for "Welcome Home" appears] 

• [the leprechaun chases the humans on a tricycle] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That's right, folks. This is what's gonna try and scare you throughout the majority of the film: a little guy on a tricycle.

  Cinema Snob : Hey, it's at least more dignified than playing an Ewok.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, don't act like you can build suspense, movie. You're called Leprechaun!

• [the leprechaun's face is finally shown up close and in proper light] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Really? That's the scary makeup he's been given? That's not the least bit frightening!

  Cinema Snob : I know! He was more intimidating than that kid's film A Very Unlucky Leprechaun! In fact, he's actually scarier-looking in that film!

  [Images from both movies are shown for comparison] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You're right! He actually looks more scary in the children's film than he does in the horror film! In fact, did we get the right version?

  [Both shrug in confusion] 

• Nostalgia Critic : He kills off the store owner by - get a load of this - a fucking pogo stick! Really? That's the leprechaun's weapon of choice?

  Cinema Snob : Don't laugh! My father went the same way!

• [the officer throws his baton towards the Leprechaun] 

  Cinema Snob : Oh, he throws a stick at it? Is that really what they teach these guys when they come across a supernatural being? Throw a stick at it?

  Nostalgia Critic : [as an officer trainee]  Sarge! Sarge! I got a question!

  Cinema Snob : [as his sergeant]  What is it, Callahan?

  Nostalgia Critic : What if - now this is totally hypothetical - what if I was attacked by a psychotic killer leprechaun that was trying to kill me?

  Cinema Snob : I don't know... throw your stick at it.

  Nostalgia Critic : "Throw my stick at it." Right!

  [Turns to leave, then comes back] 

  Nostalgia Critic : What if it's the Easter Bunny?

  Cinema Snob : Get outta here!

  [NC quickly gets up to leave] 

• [the house is in shambles] 

  Nathan (Ken Olandt) : It could have been a bear. They sometimes come down from the hills looking for food.

  Nostalgia Critic : Yeah. Bears are often known for eating food and shining shoes.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh, yeah, he can appear in a safe but he can't get through a car window. What is the extent of his lame-ass powers, anyway?

• [the go-kart hits the pickup truck and actually flips it over] 

  Nostalgia Critic , Cinema Snob : OH, COME ON!

  Nostalgia Critic : What, is the truck made of Styrofoam?

  Cinema Snob : My Hot Wheels don't flip over that easy!

• [the door slams on the leprechaun's hand, chopping it off] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Boy, that door must have sharp hinges.

• Nostalgia Critic : I don't even get it. What's he gonna do with the gold? It's not like he can just walk into a place and buy a yacht!

  Cinema Snob : He'll eBay it.

  Nostalgia Critic : What, with gold?

  Cinema Snob : He'll cash it in.

  Nostalgia Critic : What, dressed like that?

  Cinema Snob : He'll get a disguise.

  Nostalgia Critic : What kind of disguise?

  Cinema Snob : Just shut up, okay?

• [the Leprechaun pops out of a refrigerator to attack Alex] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [in a deep voice]  Zuul, Begorrah, ZUUL!

• Cinema Snob : He REALLY has to shine every shoe that he sees?

  Nostalgia Critic : What's wrong with this guy? He has O.L.D. - Obsessive Leprechaun Disorder!

• Nostalgia Critic : So what you're saying is... I have to look over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before.

  [NC ducks behind CS as the audience boos and throws garbage at him] 

• [Closing lines] 

  Nostalgia Critic : And that's all for Nostalgia-ween! Thanks for watching and thanks for joining me, Cinema Snob!

  Cinema Snob : Oh, thank you for... no, this was a giant waste of time.

  [Gets up to leave] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Dickhole.