Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Leprechaun (2010)

Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Opening lines] 

  [NC is wearing an outfit similar to the Cinema Snob and talking in a low deep voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Cinema Snob. If you're like me, what's the first thing you think of when you think of Halloween? That's right! Leprechauns.

  [Images of various leprechauns are shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Most of you would connect this famous icon to St. Patrick's Day. Well, that's because most of you are sheep. *Halloween* is the holiday to be associated with this mythical creature. Don't believe me? Then just check out "Leprechaun".

  [the movie's title screen is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Finally, somebody sees these creepy bastards for the little demon-fucks that they are. This movie realizes four-foot men in green hats, pointy shoes and high-pitched voices are the epitome of fear. And we're gonna review this little masterpiece right here today...

  [Cinema Snob walks in to sit down next to NC] 

  Cinema Snob : Uh, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?

  Nostalgia Critic : [Long pause]  I'm the Cinema Snob.

  Cinema Snob : I'M the Cinema Snob.

  Nostalgia Critic : No, I'm the Cinema Snob.

  Cinema Snob : No, I'M the Cinema Snob.

  [They both hiss through their deep breath and sigh with a low groan of disgust] 

  Cinema Snob : Well, okay. What do you say we review this anus turkey together?

  Nostalgia Critic : I would like that.

  [They both laugh simultaneously, hiss through their deep breath and then look at the camera, groaning in disgust] 

• Cinema Snob : So it starts off with Warwick Davis as the Leprechaun, looking about as scary as a midget Lady Gaga.

• Nostalgia Critic : Seriously, this movie is so unbelievably not scary, that it just deepens my voice.

  Nostalgia Critic : [Speaks lower upon each word]  Deeper... and deeper... deeper... and deeperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

  [Coughs and gets frustrated, resumes to talking normally and puts on his trademark hat] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Goddamnit! I'm sick of this shit! How the hell do you do that voice?

  Cinema Snob : Years of drinking Crystal Pepsi, my friend.

• Dan O'Grady (Shay Duffin) : [to his wife]  Pot of gold! A wee person, a leprechaun! I caught him and made him show me where his gold is!

  Cinema Snob : You know, I'm surprised they're still showing the credits. After that line, I assume everybody will just want their names taken off.

• [the leprechaun attacks the old lady who actually stumbles and falls down the cellar stairs rather than being pushed] 

  Cinema Snob : Oh, come on, he didn't kill her! She's just a fucking clod!

• Nostalgia Critic : Cut to a mere 10 years later as we see one of the main characters played by...

  [It is revealed to be a pre-stardom Jennifer Aniston, to NC's surprise] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Jennifer Aniston? She's in this movie?

  Cinema Snob : Yep! Jennifer Aniston's old career is like David Schwimmer's current career.

  Nostalgia Critic : Alright, just keep the "Friends" jokes to a minimum.

  Cinema Snob : I make no promises.

• J.D. Reding (John Sanderford) : Honey... you really think... money's all you need to get by in this life?

  Nostalgia Critic , Cinema Snob : Well, she *is* Jennifer Aniston.

• Cinema Snob : She runs into one of the housepainters, played by Jim Carrey Bacon here, as he's part of a paint company called "Three Guys That Paint".

  Nostalgia Critic : You'll never guess what they do.

  Cinema Snob : Paint?

  Nostalgia Critic : No! Make obnoxious comedy relief.

• [During Alex & Ozzie's obnoxious comic routine] 

  Cinema Snob : Please tell me they die.

  Nostalgia Critic : I'll pray for us both.

• Nostalgia Critic : That little twerp - who I swear is the long-haired version of Ness - is named Alex, who you might remember from "Mr. Nanny".

  Cinema Snob : And "Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead".

  Nostalgia Critic : Never saw it.

  Cinema Snob : Good.

• [after a jump scare] 

  Nostalgia Critic : [Waves his arms in the air]  CAT!

  Cinema Snob : [Mimicking NC]  DOG!

  Nostalgia Critic : [Looks at CS]  What are you doing?

  Cinema Snob : I dunno. I just thought we were shouting animals.

  Nostalgia Critic : No. Only I may do that.

  Cinema Snob : Oh. OK.

• [the leprechaun grabs a bug and eats it] 

  Cinema Snob : Well, it's about as good as most Irish cooking.

• Ozzie (Mark Holton) : It's a magic rainbow.

  Cinema Snob : Yeah, can it make this movie good?

  Nostalgia Critic : No no no no, they said it's a *magic* rainbow, not a *miracle* rainbow.

• Cinema Snob : They follow the rainbow to where O'Grady hid the gold when Blimp-Ox here actually swallows one of the coins. My guess is that he thought there was chocolate inside.

  Alex (Robert Hy Gorman) : Do you know what this means? We can get you an operation.

  Ozzie (Mark Holton) : For what?

  Alex (Robert Hy Gorman) : To make you smart. See, we can go to the hospital and have them operate to fix your brain.

  Nostalgia Critic : What is this, Clovers for Algernon? No operation can make you smart! Hell, if it could, the producers of this movie would have gotten it ages ago!

• [the "3 Guys That Paint" sign on the pickup truck is shown] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Hey, is it me, or do you totally want to see a sitcom called 3 Guys That Paint?

  Cinema Snob : Yeah, I could actually see that happening.

  [a fake CBS promo begins to play] 

  Cinema Snob : [In an announcer's voice]  This fall on CBS. One's a good-looking painter, one's a bumbling doofus and the other is the boy with a heart of gold. Top it all off with a psychotic killing leprechaun and you have the hit family sitcom of the year: 3 Guys That Paint. Coming this fall on CBS.

  [the caption "What's Not To Love?" is shown, then "Only CBS"] 

  Cinema Snob : Welcome home.

  [the text for "Welcome Home" appears] 

• [the leprechaun chases the humans on a tricycle] 

  Nostalgia Critic : That's right, folks. This is what's gonna try and scare you throughout the majority of the film: a little guy on a tricycle.

  Cinema Snob : Hey, it's at least more dignified than playing an Ewok.

• [the leprechaun's face is finally shown up close and in proper light] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Really? That's the scary makeup he's been given? That's not the least bit frightening!

  Cinema Snob : I know! He was more intimidating than that kid's film A Very Unlucky Leprechaun! In fact, he's actually scarier-looking in that film!

  [Images from both movies are shown for comparison] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You're right! He actually looks more scary in the children's film than he does in the horror film! In fact, did we get the right version?

  [Both shrug in confusion] 

• Nostalgia Critic : He kills off the store owner by - get a load of this - a fucking pogo stick! Really? That's the leprechaun's weapon of choice?

  Cinema Snob : Don't laugh! My father went the same way!

• Cinema Snob : The leprechaun decides it's time for an upgrade. He goes from a small childish tricycle to a small childish Barbie car. Nothing but the finest for this dignified character!

• Deputy Tripet (David Permenter) : So now you're a leprechaun, huh?

  Cinema Snob : Next you're gonna tell me you're gonna end up in space or in the hood!

• [the officer throws his baton towards the Leprechaun] 

  Cinema Snob : Oh, he throws a stick at it? Is that really what they teach these guys when they come across a supernatural being? Throw a stick at it?

  Nostalgia Critic : [as an officer trainee]  Sarge! Sarge! I got a question!

  Cinema Snob : [as his sergeant]  What is it, Callahan?

  Nostalgia Critic : What if - now this is totally hypothetical - what if I was attacked by a psychotic killer leprechaun that was trying to kill me?

  Cinema Snob : I don't know... throw your stick at it.

  Nostalgia Critic : "Throw my stick at it." Right!

  [Turns to leave, then comes back] 

  Nostalgia Critic : What if it's the Easter Bunny?

  Cinema Snob : Get outta here!

  [NC quickly gets up to leave] 

• Cinema Snob : Jesus, this choreography is making 'Dolemite' look good!

• Cinema Snob : Oh, good! Send the little boy out where the dangerous leprechaun is! Nothing but straight-arrow ethics for these people!

• [the go-kart hits the pickup truck and actually flips it over] 

  Nostalgia Critic , Cinema Snob : OH, COME ON!

  Nostalgia Critic : What, is the truck made of Styrofoam?

  Cinema Snob : My Hot Wheels don't flip over that easy!

• Nathan (Ken Olandt) : You ever work one of those things before?

  Tory (Jennifer Aniston) : [Cocks her gun]  Nope.

  Cinema Snob : It's OK! Just pretend you're shooting Brad Pitt!

• Nostalgia Critic : I don't even get it. What's he gonna do with the gold? It's not like he can just walk into a place and buy a yacht!

  Cinema Snob : He'll eBay it.

  Nostalgia Critic : What, with gold?

  Cinema Snob : He'll cash it in.

  Nostalgia Critic : What, dressed like that?

  Cinema Snob : He'll get a disguise.

  Nostalgia Critic : What kind of disguise?

  Cinema Snob : Just shut up, okay?

• Cinema Snob : He REALLY has to shine every shoe that he sees?

  Nostalgia Critic : What's wrong with this guy? He has O.L.D. - Obsessive Leprechaun Disorder!

• Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) : Little girls shouldn't look for four-leaf clovers.

  Cinema Snob : [Confused]  Is that a saying now?

• [Closing lines] 

  Nostalgia Critic : And that's all for Nostalgia-ween! Thanks for watching and thanks for joining me, Cinema Snob!

  Cinema Snob : Oh, thank you for... no, this was a giant waste of time.

  [Gets up to leave] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Dickhole.