- Barney Stinson: Robin, girls are like cartons of milk. Each one has a hotness expiration date and you've hit yours. I'm not saying the occasional guy won't still open the fridge open you up, take a sniff, shrug and take a sip anyway, but it's all down hill from here.
- Lily Aldrin: Whoa, wait. A big package just arrived.
- Marshall Eriksen: Yeah it did!
- Lily Aldrin: No it's a real package, from your dad.
- Marshall Eriksen: Well that's a little weird, but yeah it is!
- Barney Stinson: Dude you are so in, a high five doesn't cut it. High Six!
- Ted Mosby: She didn't see us High Six did she?
- Robin Scherbatsky: No.
- Barney Stinson: Good. That was pretty lame.
- Ted Mosby: Yeah, let's never do that again.
- Ted Mosby: [Barney has just called dibs on a hot girl Ted asked him to make a short glance at. Ted is not amused] You can't call dibs on a girl that I've been sitting here thinking about eventually talking to at some point!
- Barney Stinson: You never called dibs.
- Ted Mosby: Dibs were implied!
- Barney Stinson: "Implied" dibs?
- Ted Mosby: Yeah!
- Barney Stinson: Ted, you are spitting on the grave of Sir Walter Dibs, inventor of the dib. It was 1652, the SS Dibs was lost at sea...
- Ted Mosby: [Ted interrupts him] I don't have time for a fake history lesson, so I'll keep this simple: You go over there and talk to that girl, I'll see you in court.
- Barney Stinson: Who's gonna represent you? Dibs-on-Marshall's-my-lawyer!
- Lily Aldrin: I have read eleven books on conception. I have cut out alcohol, caffeine and sugar. I take my temperature every hour, but good for you for not playing with yourself.
- Barney Stinson: Oh yeah? Be my guest. Fall in love with her, get married. Just know this, when I step up to make my toast as your best man?
- Ted Mosby: Actually Marshall will probably be my...
- Barney Stinson: [Cutting him off] AS YOUR BEST MAN!
- Lily Aldrin: Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his Dad way too much, right?
- Barney Stinson: You don't want my opinion on that.
- Lily Aldrin: Why not?
- Barney Stinson: If I had my Dad's number, I would never not be on the phone with him.
- Lily Aldrin: Wow, Barney, that was really...
- Barney Stinson: [Girl walks by] Whoa, hottie with a body!
- Lily Aldrin: ...brief.
- Barney Stinson: It's a sad day in New York, Ted, a sad day indeed. You know what I saw on my way in here? A girl in a sweater. And you know what that means: the season of exposed skin is over, exactly! Gone are the tank-tops, Ted. Gone are the cute little skirts. Gone are the sundresses - the sundresses, Ted! I don't think I can make it another eight months with no sundresses.
- Ted Mosby: Barney, I really - I have to grade these papers
- Barney Stinson: I'm sorry, I'll let you work... But first, a riddle. What piece of women's attire, most stokes a man's desire?
- Ted Mosby: A sundress.
- Barney Stinson: Correct! What light weight outfit, pink or white, makes the front of my slacks abnormally tight?
- Ted Mosby: I really have to get this done.
- Barney Stinson: Of course, of course. Sundress, by the way.
- Ted Mosby: [about a girl at the bar] She's got her shields up anyway; she's reading a book.
- Barney Stinson: Yeah! At a bar! The book might as well be called Are Ya There Barney? It's Me Horny. That is not what "shields up" looks like.
- [Enter Robin disheveled]
- Barney Stinson: THAT is what "shields up" looks like.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Drinking beer] Beer be with you.
- Ted Mosby: And also with you. This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church!
- Marshall Eriksen: You're welcome, God.