- [Abed sneaks through the cafeteria dressed as "The Cape", uses his cape to drag Jeff's dinner onto the floor, and runs away]
- Jeff Winger: The show's gonna last three weeks!
- Abed Nadir: Six seasons and a movie!
- Jeff Winger: We've known each other for almost two years now. And yeah, in that time I've given a lot of speeches, but they all have one thing in common: they're all different. These drug runners aren't going to execute Pierce because he's racist. It's a locomotive that runs on *us*. And the only sharks in that water... Are the emotional ghosts that I like to call fear. Anchovies. Fear. And the dangers of ingesting mercury. Because the real bugs aren't the ones in those beds. And there's no such thing as a free Caesar salad. And even if there were... The Cape might still find a second life on cable. And I'll tell you why. El corazon del agua es verdad. That water is a lie! Harrison Ford is irradiating our testicles with microwave transmissions! So maybe we *are* caught in an endless cycle of screw-ups and hurt feelings, but I choose to believe that it's just the universe's way of molding us into some kind of super group.
- Troy Barnes: Like the Traveling Wilburys!
- Jeff Winger: Yes, Troy. Like the Traveling Wilburys of pain, prepared for any insane adventure life throws our way. I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to every one of them.
- Troy Barnes: Didn't we decide at the beginning of the year that for the good of the group we wouldn't allow any intimacy between each other or ourselves?
- Jeff Winger: Troy, we never said ourselves.
- Troy Barnes: Okay, now I'm really mad!
- Jeff Winger: Abed, you're a computer. Scan your mainframe for juicy memories!
- Abed Nadir: [Abed stares impassively at Jeff for several seconds as Jeff becomes more uncomfortable] Jeff and Britta have been having secret sex!
- Troy Barnes: [Group drags deflated boat onto the shore] You can yell at me all you want! I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of a raft makes it go faster!
- Jeff Winger: You guys remember when we had to fill in for Glee Club?
- [Flashback scene of Annie, Troy and Shirley singing]
- Annie Edison: Guys, that's not a fond memory.
- Jeff Winger: We won, like, seventy awards!
- Annie Edison: Yeah, but the reason we had to fill in for Glee Club was because they... died. Their bus crashed.
- Jeff Winger: I know, but I was remembering around that part.
- Troy Barnes: [Pretending to be Jeff] I'm Jeff Winger. Does this hard-boiled egg make me look fat?
- Abed Nadir: [Pretending to be Jeff] My name is Jeff Winger. I love working this BlackBerry because it tones my thumbs.
- Dean Pelton: [Clip show of the dean popping into the study room dressed in a different costume each time]
- [In a baroque costume, white wig and white face make-up]
- Dean Pelton: Guys, Greendale's music department is flat "baroque," so we are having a fund-raiser.
- [In a Tina Turner costume]
- Dean Pelton: What's dean got to do with it? Heh, heh, heh. Why, it's time to Tina "Turner" the clocks ahead. Happy daylight savings!
- [In an ancient Roman costume]
- Dean Pelton: Deanie, vidi, vici! I came, I saw, I conquered the idea of a free Caesar-salad bar in the cafeteria.
- [Dressed as Scarlett O'Hara]
- Dean Pelton: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dean. Heh, heh. That's right, Greendale presents "Gone With the Windows," where we'll celebrate our new energy-conscious windows with a cotillion.
- Troy Barnes: You can yell at me all you want, I've seen enough movies to Know that popping the back of the raft makes it go faster.
- Shirley Bennett: I'm glad you're considering the exciting opportunity of selling Lady Miss Lady cosmetics. Please, uh, open your starter kits. Okay, now that the seals have been broken, you each owe me $50.
- Jeff Winger: Okay, so we hooked up a few times, but there's a much larger issue here. We are friends with a grown man that clearly believes in leprechauns.
- [Jeff motions to Abed, Abed looks toward Pierce, Pierce looks confused and points to himself, Abed nods in agreement]
- Troy Barnes: Well, I guess we can get through anything. So it's probably okay if you and Britta want to keep, you know, hooking up.
- Shirley Bennett: I don't mind it so much.
- Abed Nadir: I'm cool with it.
- Shirley Bennett: God cares.
- Abed Nadir: Have fun tonight.
- Annie Edison: Walk with me...
- Pierce Hawthorne: Uh huh.
- Britta Perry: So... guess we don't have to keep sneaking around anymore.
- Jeff Winger: Yeah, I guess not.
- Britta Perry, Jeff Winger: [unison] You wanna stop doing this?
- Britta Perry, Jeff Winger: [unison] Yeah.
- Jeff Winger: It's not you, it's me.
- Britta Perry: It's you.
- Troy Barnes: Nice try, Britta, but the truth is it's been a dark year. Pierce got hooked on painkillers. Shirley's having an unplanned baby. And, apparently, Chang is in the group now?
- Annie Edison: It's true. God hates us. Remember when Abed had a total mental breakdown at Christmas?
- Britta Perry: That was adorable and magical. He thought everything was claymation.
- Abed Nadir: Why would I want to be in a school that hates Christmas?
- Jeff Winger: He's got a point. Kidding. What are you doing later? How about some holiday benefits?
- Britta Perry: Hey... ixnay in front of uncan-day.
- Professor Ian Duncan: Hmm.
- Troy Barnes: You can yell at me all you want! I've seen enough movies to know that popping the back of a raft makes it go faster!