Community (TV Series)
Competitive Wine Tasting (2011)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Pierce. I'd like to offer sincere congratulations. It's hard to find people you can stand, let alone someone willing to stomach your imminent dementia and present incontinence.
Pierce Hawthorne : Thank you, Jeff. I just hope she can satisfy me. I'm like an insatiable baboon in the bedroom.
Jeff Winger : Don't sell yourself short. You're a baboon everywhere.
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Jeff Winger : Why would a woman want a Plymouth on blocks when she could have a Testarossa with a six-speed stick?
Pierce Hawthorne : Because my stick is ribbed for her pleasure.
Jeff Winger : I think those are wrinkles.
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Jeff Winger : How can you say those things without any trace of irony?
Annie Edison : That's why they call me irony-free Annie.
Jeff Winger : Mm, trust me, that's not what they call you.
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Jeff Winger : Well it's gotta be better than wine tasting with Pierce. He refused to drink pinot noir, because he thought it was French for "black penis."
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Jeff Winger : Lingering scent, full body, perfect nose.
Wu Mei : Very nice wine.
Jeff Winger : I was talking about you. Jeff Winger.
[Jeff offers his hand]
Wu Mei : [Mei shakes hands] Wu Mei Hong Long.
Jeff Winger : Oh, what a lovely name for a lovely...
Wu Mei : Uh... not interested. Please take weird haircut, stupid grin, and go sniff another dog's ass.
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Ben Chang : Check that out. Hats off to Pierce and the hot red dragon.
Jeff Winger : Why do you keep calling her that?
Ben Chang : "Hong Long" means "red dragon." That's her middle name. In China, they put the last name first. I mean, they're nuts over there.
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Pierce Hawthorne : What's she doing here?
Jeff Winger : I asked her to come. I was thinking maybe you two were meant to be together. You're both rude, you're both deceitful and racist, and you both come from moist-wipe dynasties. I think having that much in common justifies at least one real date.
Pierce Hawthorne : [sighs] I guess we could go out to dinner.
Wu Mei : You're paying.
Pierce Hawthorne : You're dressing slutty.
Wu Mei : Fine.
Pierce Hawthorne : How about Mexican?
[Pierce puts his arm around Mei's shoulder as they exit]
Wu Mei : How about Thai? They're like Chinese Mexicans.
Pierce Hawthorne : Hmm. So true.
Wu Mei : Mmm.
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Jeff Winger : I'd like to propose a toast. Wu Mei Hong Long, better known as Mei Hong Long Wu, is not only not a Greendale student, she works for Red Dragon Wipes, the number-two wipe in Asia, currently attempting a takeover of Hawthorne Wipes. So please, raise your glasses, to saving Pierce from the clutches of a corporate spy, and to me for being attractive enough to get a girl like her under normal circumstances.
Wu Mei : Very impressive, Veronica Mars. You learned how to use Google.
Jeff Winger : And you learned to fight your desire for me.
Wu Mei : Oh, stick it. You suck.
