Community (TV Series)
Anthropology 101 (2010)
Danny Pudi: Abed Nadir
Photos
Quotes
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Abed Nadir : I can tell life from TV, Jeff. TV makes sense, it has structure, logic, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you.
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Jeff Winger : Sorry I'm late. I was in my car, loving Britta.
[Jeff and Britta kiss and then look deeply into each other's eyes]
Jeff Winger : I guess I just love you too much.
[Annie rocks nervously, a sick look on her face]
Britta Perry : Not half as much as me.
Abed Nadir : Jeff, do you think you'll marry Britta?
Jeff Winger : I'd like to see someone stop me.
Britta Perry : I just peed a little.
Abed Nadir : [Abed presents them with a ring] Then here, propose.
Britta Perry : [Jeff and Britta both look at the ring and then begin struggling over it] I've got it. I've got it.
[Britta gets the ring and puts it on Jeff's finger]
Britta Perry : Jeff Winger, will you marry me?
Jeff Winger : Yeah, yeah, of course. No problem, no problem.
[Shirley screams in delight and Annie screams in horror]
Abed Nadir : Great, I'll be right back.
[Abed rushes out of the room]
Shirley Bennett : [Annie screams again as Jeff and Britta kiss] Thank the Lord you're getting married, I was so worried about your souls ever since you had premarital sex on the table.
Troy Barnes : [Everyone leaps back from the table in disgust] Awesome!
Jeff Winger : You told Shirley?
Shirley Bennett : Well, there's no need for secrecy now. It was during the paintball game.
Troy Barnes : Was there anything you didn't win that day?
Annie Edison : [Annie runs over and punches Jeff in the face] You slept with her and then kissed me?
Britta Perry : What?
Irish Singer : [Abed enters with an entourage of people carrying a wedding arbor and singing] But she's in so deep/ You know she's such a fool for him/ She's got a ring around her finger ah-ah-ah/ And Abed hired an Irish singer/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying Jeffrey Winger!
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Troy Barnes , Professor June Bauer , Abed Nadir : [Abed begins to beatbox] Kingdom, Animalia. Phylum, Chordala. The Class is Mammalia, cause, boobies we gotta. Order is Primate. Family, Hominidae. Genus is Homo but I know you're inda me. Cause I am the Species known as Sapien. Dogs used to eat me, but now they bring the paper in.
Professor June Bauer : It's gonna take a lot to take me away from you / There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do / I bless the rains down in Africa / I bless the rains down in Africa / I bless the rains down in Africa.
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Troy Barnes : Abed, Jeff made out with Annie.
Abed Nadir : What? When, where?
Britta Perry : [angry] Yeah, where?
Pierce Hawthorne : That's inappropriate. I'm assuming on the mouth.
Annie Edison : It was after the Transfer Dance.
Britta Perry : Oh, so I tell you that I love you, and you go outside and stick your tongue into a teenager!
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Shirley Bennett : Clearly, the most important tool is the cross, representing Christianity.
Abed Nadir : It's an ax.
Shirley Bennett : It's an ax?
Troy Barnes : Maybe the telescope. Look through it backwards, shrink your enemies.
Pierce Hawthorne : I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival, but fair warning, it's my penis.
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Abed Nadir : Troy And Abed in the moooorning!
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Abed Nadir : Speaking of bad development strategy, I owe you all an apology. I was trying so hard to make our first week a great one, I didn't realize that there was something great in front of us the whole time.. An old woman drinking her own pee.
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Jeff Winger : No, what's up with Britta mania?
Abed Nadir : Oh, that's even simpler. In the eyes of the public, Britta put herself out there and you walked away, making her the underdog, the jilt-ee, the Aniston.
Jeff Winger : That's ridiculous.
Abed Nadir : Yeah. Hey Jeff, do you have any hillbilly cousins?
Jeff Winger : I wish, why?
Abed Nadir : A wealthy uncle, or an old drinking buddy that may or may not have had a sex change?
Jeff Winger : Abed, why are you mining my life for classic sitcom scenarios?
Abed Nadir : I guess I'm just excited about the new year, looking for ways to improve things. I'm hoping we can move away from the soapy relationship-y stuff and into bigger, fast-paced, self-contained escapades.
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Señor Chang : Guys? I've got a confession to make, I took Anthropology because I wanna be a part of your study group.
[overlapping responses]
Señor Chang : Now I gotta do the honest thing and just ask. Is there any room in this pocket for a little spare Chang?
Jeff Winger : Uh... look, we've been through a lot today. Umm... give us a little time to think it over.
Señor Chang : Totally, man. Just think about it. Take your time and let me know.
Shirley Bennett : Nice to see you, Chang.
Pierce Hawthorne : Bye.
Abed Nadir : See ya.
Annie Edison : Hey.
Señor Chang : Bye.
Annie Edison : Aww. Poor guy.
Jeff Winger : We'll let him in eventually.
Pierce Hawthorne : Says who?
Jeff Winger : We have the strength to survive anything. What's the worst that can happen?
Shirley Bennett : Yeah, that's true.
Troy Barnes : Yeah.
Abed Nadir : Good point.
Señor Chang : [cut to dual personality Chang]
[mean voice]
Señor Chang : I told you they hate you.
[normal voice]
Señor Chang : No, they said they just needed more time.
[mean voice]
Señor Chang : Time? They destroyed your life. How much time before we take revenge?
[pleading normal voice]
Señor Chang : But, they're my friends.
[mean voice]
Señor Chang : I'm your only friend.
[normal voice]
Señor Chang : No.
[mean voice cackles]
Señor Chang : hahaha!
[frantic normal voice]
Señor Chang : No.
[mean voice cackles]
Señor Chang : hahahaha!
[wailing normal voice]
Señor Chang : No!
