Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Flubber (2010)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : Wait a minute, what about fucking Weebo? A flying robot with the ability to think and create emotions. Don't you think that would be worth a couple bajillion dollars?

  Phillip Brainard : This is really not an area where you're qualified to offer prospective on.

  Nostalgia Critic : You're an idiot.

• Nostalgia Critic : But cyber sex will have to wait as he comes up with his next, genius use for the Flubber invention: basketball. That's right, instead of selling his invention to some business or some scientific research lab, getting the money to save the college, he tests the effects of Flubber on basketball. Why aren't you committed?

• Nostalgia Critic : [at the end of the movie, Brainard misses the altar for a fourth time]  WHAT? You mean he STILL couldn't make it to the wedding? This guy is ass scum!

  [wedding crowd applauds] 

  Nostalgia Critic : No, stop applauding. This isn't charming, this is disturbing! Very, very disturbing! After 4 times, he still couldn't make it to the altar? He is a ball of shit! Why are you marrying him? Nothing indicates that he would be a good husband. Where are you spending your honeymoon, divorce court? Imagine if you guys had kids, what would happen then?

  [imitating Brainard] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, I'm sorry that I drowned little Timmy, but I was really working on this important experiment.

  [in normal voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Run away, woman! Run away! Go marry that jerky guy, he at least would show up! True, he's a diabolical villain, but... he would fucking show up! What a horrible ending! What a horrible movie. What a flat-out, horrible experience!

• Nostalgia Critic : Why does that voice sound familiar? Oh, it's Ariel! Cool, that's why I was thinking of jail bait as well as fish bait.

• Nostalgia Critic : [imitating Brainard]  Oh, this isn't anything, it's just a scientific breakthrough that could change the way we look at life as we know it. Hey, where's that useless Weebo?

• Sara Reynolds : In this case, once is justifiable, twice is understandable, but three times...

  Nostalgia Critic : Okay, lady, a word of advice to ya: If he misses your wedding once, dump him. Twice, kill him. Three times, go Lorena Bobbitt on his ass, but for God sakes, learn a fucking lesson!

• Nostalgia Critic : I can't believe how badly this movie is written and I still can't believe that it was written by the late great John Hughes. None of these characters are likable and the ones that are are either stupid or have serious psychological issues. But to be fair, maybe it was the other writer. I mean, there were two writers on this movie: John Hughes and this other guy. Maybe it was the other guy. I mean, in my opinion, I think it would be very difficult to find a film that was not only bad, but worse than this movie that was only written by John Hugh-.

  [Home Alone 3 poster appears followed by the Shock Horror music] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, snap.

• Nostalgia Critic : Oh yeah, what a shock. You mean the guy who always plays the villain and even stated in the beginning that he was the villain, it turns out he's really the villain? Hey, here's a shock too: Ricky Martin is gay!

• Nostalgia Critic : Wow, so the guy who wrote The Breakfast Club and Pretty In Pink actually had to write the words "He farted Flubber out of his anus." This is a sad day, people.

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to... Why does Robin Williams SUCK in movies? Why does Robin Williams *suck* in movies? I mean, occasionally, he'll get a good one, but for the most part, they're pretty bad. We know he's funny and we know he can act, so how come he keeps turning out shit after shit after shit? Maybe its because he keeps picking movies that downplay his talent as opposed to glorifying them. Maybe some of these movies just figure "Hey, if Robin Williams is in it, somehow it's gonna be funny."

  [chuckles, then seriously] 

  Nostalgia Critic : No! You need effort, actually effort! Because if you don't, you get Flubber!

• Nostalgia Critic : You know, they have a word for this in basketball, I think it's... um... cheating.

• Nostalgia Critic : Gee, I wonder if it's gonna bounce around, break stuff and result in someone getting hit?

  [the Flubber basketball hits a wall and lands on Brainard's head] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Like fucking clockwork! Why don't they just call this movie "Shit Bounces and Nobody Laughs."

• Nostalgia Critic : [imitating announcer]  Dale is dead, everybody. Dale is dead. This game is officially dedicated to Dale who sacrificed his body literally head-first to score the winning point. Dale is dead!

• Nostalgia Critic : But it turns out Brainard isn't really a noncommittal fuck-ass, he's just... quirky.

• Nostalgia Critic : And yes, that not-quite Shia LaBeouf is played by Wesley from Star Trek, Wil Wheaton.

  Bennett Hoenicker : I have a science requirement, you moron!

  Captain Picard : Shut up, Wesley!

• Nostalgia Critic : So, he shows her what Flubber can do as they FINALLY get a good idea what to do with the stuff. Try selling it.

  [in dumb voice] 

  Nostalgia Critic : No, ya dink? I dought dat's just what smart people doed.

• Nostalgia Critic : Okay, lady, word of advice to ya. If he misses your wedding once, dump him. Twice, kill him. Three times, go Lorena Bobbitt on his ass, but for God sakes, learn a fucking lesson!

• [imitating a nerdy basketball player who is flying towards the basket for the game winning goal] 

  Nostalgia Critic : I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die! AAAAAAHHH!