The Simpsons (TV Series)
The Real Housewives of Fat Tony (2011)
Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Selma Bouvier, Patty Bouvier
Photos
Quotes
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Selma Bouvier : Marge, if I ever get proposed again, please gouge my eyes out.
Louie : We can teach you how to do it too. The secret is not to stop until you hear a pop.
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Fat Tony : I like you. I don't know whether to smack you on your kisser or kiss you on your smacker.
Selma Bouvier : And I don't know whether to peck you on your kicker or kick you on your...
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[at Selma and Tony's wedding]
Homer Simpson : Yes! I am so happy I lived to see this day. He did give her the kiss of death, right?
Marge Simpson : No!
Homer Simpson : [disappointed groan] Aww! I decorated her car for nothing.
[cut to a car outside with banners reading "JUST MURDERED"]
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Homer Simpson : Well, if it isn't Before and After. Blob and blob lite. Tweedle-Yuck and Tweedle-Blech.
Fat Tony : Ahem. I hope I'm not interrupting.
Homer Simpson : [scared] Um, Fat Tony. I was just complimenting your beautiful girlfriend while insulting her hideous twin.
Marge Simpson : I'm sorry, Fat Tony. My husband doesn't realize what he's saying, then five seconds later...
Homer Simpson : [scared] Oh, my God!
Fat Tony : All will be forgiven. If you sketch a portrait of Patty showing her inner beauty.
Homer Simpson : You are cruel but fair.
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Tooshie : You two look so pale. But don't worry. Every light here is a tanning light.
Marge Simpson : Can you read by them?
Tooshie : You know, no one's ever tried.
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Comic Book Guy : And how do you know the bride?
Marge Simpson : I'm her sister! And you?
Comic Book Guy : I bought her pool table on Craig's List. Consider yourself slighted.
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Plastic Surgeon : Tony, the surgery was a complete success, so can I take your cousin, the "anesthesiologist," off the payroll?
Fat Tony : You certainly may. Now where is my Selma?
Selma Bouvier : Here's the part that's not in the trash. Mm-hmm.
Fat Tony : Ooh, boys, I'd like a little privacy with Selma. Why don't you take the doctor out back?
Louie : Should we take care of him or "take care of him"?
Fat Tony : Take... care of him.
Louie : I don't know what that meant. Was it the first one or the second one? I can't ask him, otherwise he's gonna "take care of me."
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Selma Bouvier : So, you're here for an eye test? Read this.
[she puts a "closed" sign on the counter]
Fat Tony : [opening it back up] Process my form.
Selma Bouvier : [grumbling] I'm afraid this is the wrong form. The one you want is on that table.
Fat Tony : And if I retrieve that form, will I be able to maintain my advantageous position in line?
Selma Bouvier : Try it and see.
[he turns around to leave]
Selma Bouvier : Nope.
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Selma Bouvier : Which of you losers is next in line?
Fat Tony : [reading her nametag] Hello, "Selma". I'd like to submit a change of address.
Selma Bouvier : Leaving Mockingbird Lane, Mr. Munster?
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Marge Simpson : Selma, I just can't get over the new you.
Selma Bouvier : The world's a different place when you've got a waist. The clerk in the electronics store asked me if I needed help.
Patty Bouvier : [impressed] Ooh.
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Selma Bouvier : [kidnapped by Fat Tony] The view was better inside the sack.
Fat Tony : You are one tough cookie. I'll tell you what, I'll let you pick which body part I cut off first.
Selma Bouvier : Fine. I choose my love handles.
Fat Tony : What?
Selma Bouvier : Then my arm wattles, my cankles, and finish off with my excess back fat.
Fat Tony : You do not register the level of fear, say, Louie here would.
Louie : Yeah, show some respect for the process.
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Fat Tony : Selma, will you share my life with me?
Selma Bouvier : Oh, Tony, if there were an Italian word for yes, I'd be saying it right now.
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Homer Simpson : Cant we stay a little longer? The Occurrence and I were going to go get broiled.
Marge Simpson : Sorry, The Occurrence, but to use your lingo, I have to be "that guy".
The Occurence : Whoa, whoa! You don't want to be "that guy"!
Homer Simpson : I don't want to be that guy, but she's making me be "that guy".
Marge Simpson : Enough!
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Selma Bouvier : [taking off her bikini top in the hot tub] Ah. The boys needed to breath.
Homer Simpson : Wouldn't they be girls?
Selma Bouvier : Mine are boys.