- Bart Simpson: I just have one question about hair: where does mine start? Head, head, head... hair? Where's the border?
- Lisa Simpson: Oh, my God! Me too!
- [Maggie feels her hair and looks worried]
- Lisa Simpson: What are we?
- Marge Simpson: My first gray hair!
- Homer Simpson: Oh, Marge. Don't worry. Lots of movie stars have gray hair, like all those women we loved in the eighties.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, Homer. You always mean to say the nicest things.
- Homer Simpson: Well, it's not easy with you talking all the time.
- Homer Simpson: I can't stand Marge's gray hair. It's like I'm married to Richard Gere.
- [Phone rings]
- Homer Simpson: Not now, phone. I'm talking to myself. It's okay, Homer. It's just a couple of minutes. Thanks, Homer.
- [Picks up phone]
- Homer Simpson: Hello?
- Moe Szyslak: Hello, wing man? You were supposed to be here two minutes ago.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, thank you, prior commitment!
- [Kisses receiver and hangs up]
- Milhouse Van Houten: Bart, what happened to your mom's hair? Did she see something scary like the vampire on Sesame Street? They should warn you when he's coming.
- Moe Szyslak: I love Valentines Day. Just mix a couple of drops of Jagermeister with some pink lemonade, add some cherry chapstick, call it Cupid's Ambrosia and charge it up the wazoo.
- Moe Szyslak: Excuse me, is this the seminar where you learn how to pick up chicks?
- Superintendent Chalmers: Well, we're certainly not here to learn how to fold napkins.
- Ned Flanders: Looks like I came in here for nothing.
- Homer Simpson: Marge, you have nothing to worry about. I'm a wingman, a proud tradition that includes Iceman from "Top Gun", Wedge Antilles from "Star Wars", and me from now.
- Moe Szyslak: My name is Moe Szyslak. When I was a kid I had round worm - Heck, I was more worm than boy for a couple of years - I dabbled in Satanism until I was asked to leave, oh, and one month I ate nothing but aquarium fish.
- Dr. Kissingher: Your only hope is to get a wingman.
- Moe Szyslak: What's a wingman?
- Dr. Kissingher: A wingman is a friend who...
- Moe Szyslak: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Now I gotta get a friend?