- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Tell me the truth, Jay. Did you put the key in my bag?
- Jay Pritchett: ... No.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I won't be mad.
- Jay Pritchett: In order to prove a point, I may have...
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [Punches Jay repeatedly in the arm] I knew it!
- Jay Pritchett: Ow! Why did I get you such a big watch?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Why, Jay? What point do you have you to prove?
- Jay Pritchett: I'm trying to teach you to be organized. Your mind is scattered, Gloria.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: *Your* mind is gonna be scattered! Manny, hand me the gun!
- Cameron Tucker: You cheated on me.
- Mitchell Pritchett: How did I cheat on you?
- Cameron Tucker: You cheated on me with choreography, and that's the worst kind.
- Mitchell Pritchett: How is that the worst...
- Cameron Tucker: You danced without me, Mitchell!
- Manny Delgado: Hey, Jay, on the box it says ages sixteen and up. Is this an appropriate gift for me?
- Jay Pritchett: Are you kidding me? You were born sixteen.
- Jay Pritchett: I like being on time. It's easy, 'cause I'm organized. Not my wife. You'd think growing up in a place full of death squads and drunken uncles she'd have learned to move a little bit faster.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: [Runs in and sits down] Sorry! Sorry! I couldn't find my earring. So, what were we talking about, huh?
- Jay Pritchett: Maybe if you had a system for where you leave things.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: I have a system. I put down things, then I remember where I put them.
- Jay Pritchett: And that would be preferable to, say, putting them on the key holder which just happens to look like a large key?
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Stop screaming!
- Jay Pritchett: [as Manny mixes two soda drinks together] What are you doing?
- Manny Delgado: Turning back the clock.
- [while Jay hides Gloria's car keys in her purse, Manny drinks mixed sodas and cringes]
- Manny Delgado: That's disgusting!
- Jay Pritchett: Don't judge. You've never been married. This never happened.
- Manny Delgado: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Jay Pritchett: That's a good man.
- Manny Delgado: Boy! I'm a boy!
- Alex Dunphy: Dad, that was a stop sign.
- Phil Dunphy: I'll stop twice on the way back.
- Haley Dunphy: Oh good, it'll give us a chance to pick up thay hubcap you lost cutting through the temple parking lot.
- Manny Delgado: What did you mean, I was born 16?
- Jay Pritchett: I'm just saying you were never much of a kid, and that's a good thing, because I never liked kids.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: How come I do all the looking and you do all the sitting?
- Jay Pritchett: 'Cause you do all the losing.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Oh, and you're this close of doing all the sleeping in a tent on the backyard.
- Haley Dunphy: [about family camp] Can't go back there.
- Alex Dunphy: I heard this summer, there's gonna be a hoedown.
- Haley Dunphy: [Gets up] I can't.
- Alex Dunphy: Haley!
- Haley Dunphy: [Dramatically walks offscreen] I can't! I can't!