- P.J. Franklin: [voiceover] Sometimes it's hard to be faced with the truth, so we pretend not to see it.
- Mike Callahan: Hey, Roberts. I'm gonna go to the bar, uh, to order a drink. Would you care to join me?
- [Mike fixes Bobby with an intense gaze and tilts his head leadingly]
- Bobby Newman: [as if working it out] Uh, I can see that you're trying to communicate with me and I want to know what it is, so... yes.
- Brendan Dorff: [watching PJ examine Bulge Magazine] Well, they have movie reviews, too. They gave "Hurt Locker" three thumbs up.
- P.J. Franklin: Those aren't thumbs.
- Brendan Dorff: You've reached the NTO.
- P.J. Franklin: No! Wait. What is that?
- Brendan Dorff: The NTO, all right? The Natural Tapering Off. Every relationship has one.
- Mike Callahan: The red-hot lava passion has to cool. I mean, without the NTO, you would burn each other up with your fiery love-laze power rods.
- P.J. Franklin: Ew... so many times.
- Mike Callahan: Happens to everyone, but usually it happens in the eighth year of marriage but...
- P.J. Franklin: Ugh.
- Mike Callahan: ...you're an old soul.
- Stephanie Layne: Kenny, you don't have any vegetables on your plate at all. You're gonna get scurvy.
- Kenny Morittori: Only pirates and models get scurvy, and I HAVE a vegetable, thank you.
- [Mike gets a new job but hasn't told Kenny he's leaving the store]
- Bobby Newman: What, are you just gonna stop showing up for work?
- Mike Callahan: No, I'll just... rock both jobs until the store turns around and he doesn't need me.
- Bobby Newman: And when you say "rock both jobs," what's you're solution to the can't-literally-be-in-two-places-at-once thing?
- Mike Callahan: Surgery. Dead aunt. Time-space continuum. I'll figure it out.
- Kenny Morittori: I have to clean my toothbrush.
- Brendan Dorff: You have to what?
- Kenny Morittori: You know, I have to clean off the toothbrush handle.
- Bobby Newman: Yeah, that toothpaste ooze settles down into the toothbrush mug - drives 'em crazy.
- Mike Callahan: And THAT is why I'm single.
- Bobby Newman: That's not why you're single.
- Mike Callahan: Brendo, why don't you just tell Stephanie that you think her sister's ugly. What's the problem?
- Bobby Newman: THAT's why your single.
- Bobby Newman: I... I find you incredibly sexy. I mean, you're gorgeous, and you don't take crap from anybody, and you know Kerry Wood's E.R.A. his rookie year.
- P.J. Franklin: It's 3.40.
- Bobby Newman: [whispering] God, I want you.
- Kenny Morittori: Well, I can't take this anymore. Let's just pick which one of us we're gonna eat.
- [Everyone's head turns toward Brendan]