- Michael Scott: Hey, should I bring a dictionary to the hospital?
- Oscar Martinez: The hospital will provide dictionaries. Bring a thesaurus.
- Michael Scott: [Pam is having contractions in the office] Oh, oh, oh. 'Contraptions', she's 'contrapting'. Ok, you know what? I think that I should drive you guys to the hospital, and here is why: I am a licensed class C driver in the state of Pennsylvania.
- Jim Halpert: Michael.
- Michael Scott: I gassed up the car. Actually, I put diesel in this time, try to save some money.
- Jim Halpert: Michael, you shouldn't have done that.
- Michael Scott: Happy to do it. Also, I did a heck of a job babyproofing this office.
- Pam Beesly: You know the baby's not gonna live here, right?
- Michael Scott: Well, the baby was conceived here, so it might as well live here a little bit too.
- Dwight Schrute: I need a baby. I'll never outsell Jim and Pam without one. Also, I've been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I wake up cradling a gourd.
- Michael Scott: I printed out 10 ways to induce labor. And I'm thinking we just do the opposite of those things and we can slow down your labor. Erin, read the first one.
- Erin Hannon: Um, stimulate the nipples.
- Michael Scott: Okay, nobody touch Pam's nipples. Think of Pam's nipples as Toby's grundle.
- Kevin Malone: Her shirt is touching them. Maybe we should cut holes in her shirt.
- Meredith Palmer: I have a shirt like that in my car.
- Michael Scott: Okay, yeah, why don't you go get it.