- Bowser: [watching Mario and Luigi walk down a path] Hoo ha ha ha ha!
- [he hides]
- Mario: Nice of the Princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Luigi?
- Luigi: I hope she made lots of spaghetti!
- Mario: Luigi, look!
- [points to a letter on the door]
- Mario: It's from Bowser!
- [reads]
- Mario: Dear pesky plumbers; the Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom! The Princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven Koopa Hotels! I dare you to find her if you can!
- [turns to Luigi]
- Mario: We gotta find the Princess!
- Luigi: [pointing at the screen/player] And you gotta help us!
- Mario: [talking to player] If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book.
- Luigi: [outtakes] Hey, what kind of fucking place is this?
- Bowser: Hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha!
- Luigi: Ha ha ha ha yourself. So what the fuck is this about anyway?
- Mario: It's uh, that fucked up sign. Jesus, was this written by retarded kids? Club Koopa. Let's see here. Wanna suck my-What? Heh. Why don't you do me in spaghetti sauce, baby, I want to touch your garlic bread. This is, uh, kind of fucked up, you know what I mean? But I like it, you know what I'm saying?
- Luigi: You are a gay motherfucker!
- Mario: To you, I might be a gay motherfucker. But everybody else, I'm just happy. Look, I've sucked one dick, that's all.
- Princess Peach: [Mario and Luigi rescued Princess Peach] Thanks to you two, I can safely rule the Mushroom Kingdom, free from the terrible Koopa King.
- [She kisses Mario and Luigi while the sigh passionately]
- Princess Peach: [to the player] And my thanks to you to!
- Mario, Luigi: [Waving at the player, in unison] Your the best player ever!
- Mario: [after finding a protective spray on substance] Ah ha! Maybe this will keep that lizard king from playing with the doors.
- [Starts spraying the substance on himself]