- Tracy Jordan: A book hasn't given me this much trouble since Waldo went to that barber pole factory.
- Liz Lemon: Tracy and Jenna are acting like children.
- Pete Hornberger: And like children, they can't be reasoned with. You just put a little whiskey in their juice bottle and wait for sleep to save you.
- Liz Lemon: That won't work. Jenna is immune to whiskey, and Tracy is afraid of juice.
- Devon Banks: You know, revenge is a dish best served cold, Jack. Like sashimi, or pizza.
- Jack Donaghy: You prefer cold pizza?
- Devon Banks: The morning after? It's the best.
- Jack Donaghy: Better than hot pizza? That's insane.
- Devon Banks: You don't tell me what kind of pizza to like!
- Jenna Maroney: I don't know if you know this, but werewolves only come out at night.
- Liz Lemon: Yes, I learned that from the Thriller video.
- Tracy Jordan: Too soon.
- Liz Lemon: I wanted to give you a copy of my book. They used your blurb.
- Jack Donaghy: [reads from the back cover] "Lemon numbers among my employees."
- Liz Lemon: [Looking at her book "Dealbreakers" in a bookstore window, to an employee] Hey, I wrote that. I'm Liz Lemon.
- [Employee opens book in front of Liz; she reads from it]
- Liz Lemon: "If your boyfriend is over thirty and wears a nametag to work, that's a dealbreaker."
- [Liz sees the employee's nametag, it reads Mike]
- Liz Lemon: But not you, Mike.
- [Mike takes cutout of Liz]
- Liz Lemon: What are you doing, Mike?
- [Mike starts beating up cutout]
- Liz Lemon: Oh! You know what, I'm going to beat up your cutout! Oh, wait, you don't have one!
- [Mike tears head off cutout and pastes it on window]
- Liz Lemon: Ow! Blammo! Another successful interaction with a man!
- Tracy Jordan: Oh yeah, there's a garbage bag in the hall with a reef shark in it. Just put him in the tub with a reef.
- Devon Banks: [questioning Jack at government committee] Is it true, Mr. Donaghy, that your executives routinely used company helicopters to dry their home tennis courts?
- Jack Donaghy: Yes and no. Yes, that did happen. No, it didn't not happen.
- Devon Banks: And that G.E. kept a party clown on retainer with a six-figure salary?
- Jack Donaghy: When Silly Willy's fee was amortized over all birthdays company-wide...
- Devon Banks: I'm being told the company money is being gambled at racetracks.
- Jack Donaghy: Yes, but I have a system.
- Devon Banks: In 2007, a G.E. officer used corporate funds to throw a "Cabaret" themed Halloween party on Fire Island.
- Jack Donaghy: As I recall, that was you.
- Jack Donaghy: You'd ruin an entire company just to get to me? Think of the employees, the pensions, the kittens we use to test the strength of our microwaves.
- Jack Donaghy: Lemon, let me tell you a little story. It was 1994, and I was ice climbing when I fell into a crevasse and hurt my leg. There was only one way out, so fighting every natural instinct I have, I did the thing I hated the most. I climbed down into the darkness. And when I came back to camp, I went to the person who cut my line and said, "Connie Chung, you saved my life."
- Jack Donaghy: The automotive company was ran by white morons who were out of touch with America. We're G.E., dammit. We're making a giant, shoddy microwave.