Peep Show (TV Series)

Jeremy at JLB (2009)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Quotes 

• Jeremy Usborne : I mean, there weren't any jobs when I didn't want a job, and now I do want a job, there are like, totally no jobs. Not just like, there aren't any jobs, but like, there are totally, quite literally no jobs.

  Super Hans : You should just a get a van. With a van it's like you've got an MBA, but you've also got a fucking van! You're not just a man anymore, you are a man with a van. You get a van, Jez, we could be men with ven.

• Jeremy Usborne : [voiceover]  Hasn't got a girlfriend so he buys a new sofa. You can't fuck a sofa, mate, take it from me.

• Mark Corrigan : Yeah, so you'll just be following the cold-calling script.

  Jeremy Usborne : There's a script? So I'll be like, an actor?

  Mark Corrigan : [deadpan]  Exactly, Jeremy, you'll be just like an actor, like Al Pacino or Jeremy Irons. Just tell everyone you call up "Hello, you've been specially selected as eligible for our exclusive introductory interest rate."

  Jeremy Usborne : Well, no, not everyone, cos if it's exclusive, then...

  [the realisation dawns on him] 

  Jeremy Usborne : Oh my God. It's wheels within wheels. I've been invited inside, with the bean counters and the water boarders.

  Mark Corrigan : [voiceover]  At some point he's going to find out what goes in sausages.