- Johnny Gomez: Witness the carnage, as six rock'n'roll superstars tear each other apart, like cheap hotel rooms. Will music soothe the savage celebrity? Not bloody likely! Find out for sure, right now, on Celebrity Deathmatch!
- Nick Diamond: You know, Johnny, they say that if you remember the sixties, you weren't really there.
- Johnny Gomez: Who says that?
- Nick Diamond: I don't remember...
- Jimi Hendrix: So you've been at this rock star thing, what, twelve or thirteen years?
- Lenny Kravitz: So?
- Jimi Hendrix: I did my thing in four years. What you been doing all this time?
- Lenny Kravitz: Hey, I'm a Grammy winner!
- Jimi Hendrix: Ain't nothing to be proud of!
- Nick Diamond: This fight is over, Hendrix wins!
- Mills Lane: Good work, son. Now hop back in the machine, and we'll send you back to the sixties.
- Jimi Hendrix: What? But I won! I don't wanna go back, the future is cool!
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: [Grabs Hendrix] Thanks for stopping by.
- [Throws Hendrix into the time machine]
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: See ya on the other side.
- [Activates time machine]
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: Frickin' hippy.
- Shaggy: Me? What about Ziggy? He sings all your songs. He even looks like you!
- Bob Marley: He's me son, I love Ziggy.
- Shaggy: Yeah, but you go'n name him after the worst damn comic strip ever?
- Bob Marley: [Kicks Shaggy] Oh, like Mr. Shaggy should be callin' people names. So, Mr. Shaggy, where is your Mystery Machine?
- [Kicks Shaggy]
- Bob Marley: 'Ey, Shaggy, where is Velma? Have you and Scooby-Dooby Doo solved any mysteries today?
- Bob Marley: Ok, brah, once and for all... who is the best reggae star ever?
- Shaggy: My music is more than just reggae!
- Bob Marley: Wrong!
- [Impales Shaggy on dislodged ringpost]
- Bob Marley: Who is the best reggae star ever?
- Shaggy: Uh... Peter Tosh?
- Bob Marley: [Impales Shaggy again] Last chance, who is the-?
- Shaggy: Yellowman?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: Jimmy Cliff?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: Alpha Blondy?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: Burning Spear?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: Lee 'Scratch' Perry?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: Toots and the Maytals?
- [Impaled]
- Shaggy: UB40?
- Bob Marley: UB40? Hell no!
- Keith Richards: Let me up, and I'll give you my cool skull ring.
- Dave Matthews: First, you tell me how to make an album like Exile on Main Street.
- Keith Richards: I don't rememebr that one, but I do know of a pain street, because that's where you're moving!
- Keith Richards: You know, Dave, as the great philosopher Jack Daniels once said, when the going gets tough, the tough get blood transfusions. And I must say, I recommend them if you're ever feeling, y'know, not-so-fresh... hey, why aren't you attacking me?
- Dave Matthews: That stuff you put in there? That ain't blood, Keith.
- Keith Richards: [Reads label on blood sac] Rockin' razzmatazz raspberry rush? Oh bloody hell! What have I done?
- Keith Richards: [Mellowed out] Hey, David. Come over here, and I'll stroke your hair ever so gently.
- Nick Diamond: What a night. We start with a transfer of vomit, and end with a transfer of blood!
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: That don't surprise me one bit. Rock star's all about exchanging bodily fluids.
- [laughs]
- Stone Cold Steve Austin: Nick, you never should've called me a sweaty, vest-wearing gorilla. Now I got no choice but to go rock star on your Greek ass and drop you like a 27-inch trinitron!
- Nick Diamond: Hey, what the-!
- [Stone Cold throws him from the announcer's booth]
- Johnny Gomez: Ooh, Nick's gonna feel that when he wakes up.