- Jake Spoon: [Jake is back after being away ten years] Hey, didn't Deets have that same cap before I left?
- Gus McCrae: Well, you know Deets, he ain't one to quit on a garment just 'cause it's gotta a little age. We c'ain't always be fine dressers like you, Jake.
- Gus McCrae: Only way to get better food around here is by shooting Bolivar. And another thing, Bol, I want you to quit whackin' that dinner bell for supper. You can hit it at noon if you want to, but lay off doin' it in the evenin'. See, a man with any sense at all can tell when it's sundown, without you whackin' that bell.
- Bolivar: General Robert E. Lee freed the slaves. I can whack it if I want to.
- Gus McCrae: It was Abe Lincoln that freed the slaves, Bol, not General Lee.
- Pea Eye Parker: He didn't free Mexicans, anyway, Bol. It was Americans he freed.
- Gus McCrae: You're in over your head, Pea. It was a bunch of Africans Abe Lincoln freed. No more American than Call here.
- Woodrow Call: I'm American! By God!
- Gus McCrae: You was born in Scotland, as I recall. You was still draggin' on the tit when they brought you over here.
- Woodrow Call: I reckon I'm as American as anyone from Tennessee.
- Woodrow Call: Gus.
- Gus McCrae: What?
- Woodrow Call: Why not go up to Montana? It's a cattleman's paradise to hear Jake tell it.
- Gus McCrae: Sounds like a damn wilderness if you ask me. And we're a shade old to start fightin' Indians all over again, don't you think?
- Woodrow Call: I mean it, Gus. Why not, go north with a herd?
- Gus McCrae: I'll tell you what. You ride on up there, clear out the Iindians, build a little cabin, get a nice fire goin' in the fireplace and me and Jake will gather a herd and then we'll come on up.
- Woodrow Call: I'd like to see the herd that you and Jake could gather. Herd o' whores, maybe.
- Gus McCrae: Well you ain't no more a cattleman than I am, Call, and y'know it, too.
- Woodrow Call: I wanna do it, Gus. I wanna see that country, before the bankers and lawyers all git it.
- [first lines]
- Gus McCrae: [to fighting pigs] Go down to the river to eat that snake. Now go on, get outa here. Go on! Go on, git!