- Gretchen Feester: Didn't you once say that Terry had the makings of a night manager?
- Gordon Feester: No, I said the markings of a night crawler.
- Gordon Feester: You'll never be night manager because whenever I leave you alone in the store you screw everything up.
- Terry Hoffmeister: Well, I only went to McDonald's for 20 minutes! It was the first day of Chicken McNuggets. Everybody was there!
- Gordon Feester: Everybody except the guy who backed the truck up to my front door and took out four-thousand-five-hundred dollars worth of canned goods!
- Terry Hoffmeister: Yeah well, it wasn't just canned goods, Gordon, they stole a lot of sandwich meat too, you know.
- Gordon Feester: Do you mind if I you ask why you left the shoe store?
- Scott Davis: My boss says I was mean to the customers!
- Gordon Feester: Were you?
- Scott Davis: Sometimes you gotta smack people around!
- Terry Hoffmeister: He hates me, just like my real dad, and all the dads that lived with us after him!
- Terry Hoffmeister: There's a customer down there, he wants to know how much this broom costs. There's no price on it.
- Gordon Feester: It's OUR broom. It's not for sale.
- Terry Hoffmeister: Well, should I just give it to him?
- Gordon Feester: What are you stuffing your face with?
- Terry Hoffmeister: Frozen fish sticks.
- Gordon Feester: Mmmm! You know, some people actually wait for those to thaw out before they eat them.
- Terry Hoffmeister: Not if you like 'em crunchy.
- Terry Hoffmeister: If I was night manager I'd never be late.
- Gordon Feester: Well, that's kind of a moot point, isn't it?
- Terry Hoffmeister: Who are ya calling a mute?
- Gordon Feester: I didn't say "mute," I said "moot."
- Terry Hoffmeister: Well, it's pronounced "mute."
- Arab: [Handing Gordon a dollar] Change.
- Gordon Feester: Why don't you ever buy anything?
- Arab: I have everything.
- Gordon Feester: Except change!
- Gordon Feester: Robin, what were you doing in the cooler?
- Robin: Freezing. I've been in there for two hours! You're almost out of Millers.
- Terry Hoffmeister: Tu es mortuus benedictus es!
- Gordon Feester: What?
- Terry Hoffmeister: You heard me.