- Wednesday Addams: I act as if I don't care if people dislike me... Deep down... I secretly enjoy it.
- Principal Larissa Weems: We want our students to be well-rounded.
- Wednesday Addams: I'd prefer to remain sharp-edged.
- Wednesday Addams: Yes, I know that I am stubborn, obsessive and single-minded. Those are all traits of great writers
- [Thing gesticulates pointedly]
- Wednesday Addams: Yes, and serial killers too. What's your point
- Wednesday Addams: This story is about to take a dark turn. Usually I love dark turns, like when the carousel brakes mysteriously failed at my eighth birthday party.
- Marilyn Thornhill: Are you and your mother close?
- Wednesday Addams: Like two inmates sentenced to life in the same cell block.
- Enid Sinclair: Admit it! You kinda got into the whole school spirit thing.
- Wednesday Addams: You didn't tell me it was a dark, vengeful spirit.
- Enid Sinclair: Care to take a stab at being social?
- Wednesday Addams: I do like stabbing. The social part, not so much.
- Enid Sinclair: Why don't we ask Thing? Wait, you can't because he's mad at you.
- Wednesday Addams: Why is he mad? He's the one who screwed up with Rowan.
- Enid Sinclair: All I know is that we spent an hour giving each other mani's and he really opened up. He feels like you don't respect him as a person.
- Wednesday Addams: Well, technically he's only a hand.
- Enid Sinclair: Wednesday, he's your family! And he would do anything for you. Go apologize and I'll consider helping you.
- Wednesday Addams: Blab and I will squeeze you like a honeycomb.
- Eugene Ottinger: Snitches get stung. It's hive code. Besides, I should be thanking you. This is the most girls I've ever had in the shed.
- [referring to the 2 girls, Wednesday and Enid]
- Eugene Ottinger: Other than bees.
- Wednesday Addams: Shocking.
- Eugene Ottinger: I've always had a thing for werewolf chicks.
- Wednesday Addams: The chance that Enid ever becomes romantically interested in you is less than one percent.
- Eugene Ottinger: So, I've still got a shot? YES!
- Principal Larissa Weems: It's good to see you fitting in, just like your mother.
- Wednesday Addams: My mother and I are two different people slash species slash everything.
- Wednesday Addams: [muses on Rowan being alive] Which leads me to believe I must be losing my mind. It's not nearly as fun as I anticipated.
- Wednesday Addams: Edgar Allan Poe said, "Believe nothing you hear and half of what you see." clearly Nevermore's most famous alumni picked that up here. No wonder he became a drug-addled madman.
- Wednesday Addams: Secret societies, hidden libraries, my mother staring at me in a judgmental way... these are all things I've come to expect.
- Eugene Ottinger: You ever taken a honey bath?
- Enid Sinclair: I just don't wanna get stung!
- Eugene Ottinger: The key is to remain calm. Bees detect fear. But you don't need to worry because I have a very big smoker and I handle it like a pro. Would you like to see it?
- Marilyn Thornhill: Never lose that, Wednesday.
- Wednesday Addams: Lose what?
- Marilyn Thornhill: The ability to not let others define you.
- [Christina Ricci gave what some consider the definitive performances of Wednesday Addams in the 90s movies "The Addams family" and "Addams Family Values."]
- Wednesday Addams: Emotions are a gateway trait. They lead to feelings, which trigger tears. I don't do tears.
- Wednesday Addams: I've always hated the expression "write what you know." It's a hall pass for the imagination-impaired.
- Principal Larissa Weems: No doubt you'll find something that tickles your fancy.
- Wednesday Addams: The last person who tickled me lost a finger.