- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] Yes, I was going to stalk you at home, but it was a busy week and your office is closer.
- Dr. James Wilson: [after hearing that House got a present wrapped in green paper] Irene Adler. Christmas 2001. Sarcoid symptoms, but she didn't respond to methotrexate. I've never seen him so obsessed. He saved her with a last-minute Wegener's diagnosis, but the hours he put in... I thought it would kill him. And then... well, he fell for her, but it was too soon after Stacy and... It sounds silly, but Irene was the one who got away.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Really?
- Dr. James Wilson: No, you idiots. House is just screwing with you.
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: [to Foreman] I heard Janice is back on the trial.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: My Christmas gift to you.
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I was wrong. You're not House.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, well. That's my Christmas gift to myself.
- Dr. Gregory House: [about the baby] What's going to happen to her?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I spoke to both sets of grandparents. It's too painful. They're putting her up for adoption.
- Dr. Gregory House: What are you going to do?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I already spoke to a lawyer. I become a foster parent and then I adopt.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [to Sarah] What?
- Sarah: Am I going to get in trouble? Should we apologize or something?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Yes. You should. Natalie's on the third floor.
- Sarah: Who's down there?
- Dr. Robert Chase: Mr. Raditz.
- Dr. Chris Taub: House always has an agenda. Just screwing with us isn't...
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Yeah, he'd never do that. Oh, wait... he already did last year!
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: [to Foreman] Where's the woman I spoke to last week? The trial patient, um... with the advanced symptoms.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She dropped out.
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Is she okay?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Not health-related. She... she wants to drop out.
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Why?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She didn't say. And I only break into the houses of very special patients to get to understand them better.
- Dr. Chris Taub: [speaking of Cuddy] Just tell her how you feel. If you won't, then I will. I'll walk right down there. Damn it. Love like this needs to fly free.
- Dr. Gregory House: [Kutner and Thirteen muffle their laughs] You talked to Wilson.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson] Oh, I get it. You're trying to get me to prove you wrong, then I'm going to be nice to all my patients all through the holiday season and then Mr. Potter won't steal Tiny Tim's porridge. I'm totally on it.
- Dr. James Wilson: Yeah. That actually is what I'm trying to do and the pathetic part is, it's not gonna work.
- Dr. Gregory House: You're right. I gotta stop being such a jerk.
- [takes Wilson's dessert]
- Dr. Gregory House: Oops, kind of undercut myself there.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sixteen-year-old female gets pranked and also gets visual hallucinations and vomiting. Turns out to be a failing liver.
- Dr. Gregory House: Why have Foreman's breasts suddenly started to droop?
- Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Large breasts are a classic symptom of you letting Foreman take vacation days so he can finish his FDA reports before the end of the year.
- Dr. Gregory House: When are you taking vacation?
- [raises his eyebrows suggestively]
- Dr. Chris Taub: House. It's tuberculosis.
- Dr. Gregory House: You got that from an anal swab? Man, you're good.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Whitney] Hi. I'm Greg.
- Whitney: Hi. I'm Whitney.
- Dr. Gregory House: Hi, Whitney. How can I help you?
- [limps to a stool and sits down]
- Whitney: I have a... a terrible headache.
- Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll get you fixed up. Is there anything else you need like a bottle of water? Coffee? Mint tea?
- Whitney: No, but that's so nice. Usually the clinic doctors were kinda rushed.
- Dr. Gregory House: If you can't be nice, why be a doctor.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Whitney] You didn't know you were pregnant?
- Whitney: How do you... You know that just from the headache?
- Dr. Gregory House: How do I know? I missed my period. I got fat, threw up. Oh no, wait. That's how you know.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to Simon about Natalie] You helped bully this little girl and completely refuse to accept responsibility. No way you came here out of compassion. That only leaves guilt. What did you do to her?
- Simon: Nothing.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Stop lying or I'll take the drugs I found in your locker down to the cops, you slimy little jerk.
- [Taub takes Kutner's arm and they step away from Simon]
- Dr. Chris Taub: This kid didn't do anything to you.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: This isn't about me.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. You were bullied yourself when you were in school. Take it easy.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: I wasn't bullied.
- Dr. Chris Taub: Right. The Indian foster kid whose parents were shot in front of him. You were clearly homecoming king.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Natalie] Remember when you asked me if I had any kids? I don't. I don't know. Maybe it has nothing to do with it, but I was good at school, good at work, lousy at life. I screwed up every relationship I ever had. I thought, "Why would I want to bring a child into this?" But then I got older and... how you feel now will pass. Don't let it screw up your whole life.
- Natalie: It's already screwed up.
- Dr. Schmidt: [to Foreman] Science is not about human relationships. It's about results, but you know that. You work for House. Why do you think I brought you on as my partner?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He doesn't want us to treat her.
- Dr. James Wilson: If it's leukemia, even if we kill every cancer cell, her heart and liver are too far gone.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: A double transplant...
- Dr. James Wilson: With brain involvement? The committee won't even open the file. There's no reason to put a dying girl through a painful treatment if we can't save her. He's being kind.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Wilson] Why don't you just hang out in the video store and tell everyone Kevin Spacey's Keyser Soze? By the way, that ending really made no sense at all.
- Whitney: Aren't there other ways I could get pregnant, like sitting on a toilet seat?
- Dr. Gregory House: Absolutely. There would need to be a guy sitting between you and the toilet seat, but yes, absolutely.