- Professor 'Crazy' Tony: I don't believe you read that anywhere. Asians aren't more statistically likely to commit crimes than anyone else. On the other hand, ex-Russian sex slaves do make great lab assistants.
- Hardball: So how's school treating you?
- Professor 'Crazy' Tony: Good! Really good, actually! My students are helping me build an arm mounted cannon that shoots glass pellets. And they're full of acid.
- Hardball: What class is that for?
- Professor 'Crazy' Tony: English lit.