- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Baruch Atah ay dios mio! This Passover is going to get its own Spanish Inquisition!
- Chuck Bass: The prodigal daughter returns. How was Spain?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Amazing. Perfect.
- Chuck Bass: I'm sure. You and Poppy dancing on tabletops in Barcelona. Sunbathing nude on Costa del Sol.
- Serena van der Woodsen: More like me and Poppy and her boyfriend, Gabriel, on the coast. Uh... I just read and ate, and, you know, swam.
- Chuck Bass: [voice low] So there was nude sunbathing?
- Serena van der Woodsen: [seems evasive] Hey, uh, is my Mom around?
- Chuck Bass: I haven't seen her. But I have been occupied.
- [in the doorway, comely girl comes to bid adieu]
- Chuck Bass: Last night's entertainment. She's a synchronized swimmer. She can hold her breath for five minutes.
- Serena van der Woodsen: So you, you found a way to get over Blair, then?
- Rufus Humphrey: [heavily laden with shopping bags] How did antique shopping lead to shoe shopping?
- Lily van der Woodsen: Well, my darling, all shopping eventually leads to shoe shopping.
- Cyrus Rose: I can certainly look into the legalities of It, but... I think you should tell your mother.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well, we're not in a good place right now. I don't think I could go to her and say: "Sorry, but I sort of got married in Spain. But don't worry, Cyrus is helping me get a quickie annulment."
- Cyrus Rose: She's your mother. She...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Two days into the trip, Poppy and Gabriel get in this huge fight, and then she just leaves, abandoning me and Gabriel, and so I, I stayed around to keep him company.
- Dan Humphrey: Well, you did a bang-up job.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Dan, please. Gabriel and Poppy were over. And it's not like either one of us planned this. This thing between us just happened and we couldn't stop it.
- Dan Humphrey: This, this thing was a marriage. What were you thinking?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I don't know. I wasn't. I don't even know if I am married. That's what Cyrus is figuring out.
- Dan Humphrey: [with folded arms] How does one not know if one is married?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well... there was a dinner, and then... we had a lot of Rioja, and then... dancing, and then more Rioja, and then we took off our clothes and went swimming in the ocean.
- Dan Humphrey: Oh, just skip that part.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, yeah. Uhm, the next thing I know, Gabriel is just screaming "I love you, I love you!" and he's banging on this church door trying to wake up a priest. And...
- Dan Humphrey: Okay, okay, so there was a priest. Did you say "I do"?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Well, I, I said sí. I don't know. It was all in Spanish. It was... it was crazy.
- [chuckles]
- Dan Humphrey: You're smiling!
- Serena van der Woodsen: What?
- Dan Humphrey: You ran off in Spain with a guy you barely know and you got married and you're... admit It, you're smiling.
- Serena van der Woodsen: No, I woke up the next day and I thought what have I done? This is crazy. And I got on the next flight out and here I am talking to Cyrus.
- Dan Humphrey: You're out...? You're a wife.
- Serena van der Woodsen: No, I'm not. Maybe I am. Are you jealous?
- Dan Humphrey: Serena, we were together for a year and we didn't make it to junior prom. You're with this guy less than a month and you get married, so, I mean, yes, it's a little bit insulting. I... I have to get back to work.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Uh... are you serving Eleanor's Seder?
- Dan Humphrey: No. Sort of... I mean, yes. Yes. You're the wife of the landed gentry and I'm a... cater waiter at a Seder.
- [walks off]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Dan, wait..
- Serena van der Woodsen: [at ceremony] Cyrus, this wine is delicious.
- Cyrus Rose: [patiently] Oh, well, thank you, dear. We're not supposed to drink it until the blessing, but, uh, we'll make an exception this time.
- Jenny Humphrey: Don't you have a guest to attend to?
- Chuck Bass: It appears I already did. A year ago. I should've noticed in the elevator. How many women can put their legs behind their...
- Jenny Humphrey: [to her guest] Hey, um... you wanna go for a walk?
- Wes: Okay, sure.
- Jenny Humphrey: I'll see you at the elevator.
- Wes: Right.
- [on his way]
- Jenny Humphrey: [to Chuck] Just because you're bored with your own life... doesn't mean you have to make everyone around you miserable.
- Chuck Bass: For your information, you don't live here yet.
- Jenny Humphrey: Please! After what you did at the Kiss On The Lips party last year, like I would ever live in the same house as you. You know, you're lucky I didn't tell my Dad. Because if I did, he would make Lily choose, us or you, and I wonder who she'd pick.
- Chuck Bass: You really think I care if Lily kicks me out?
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, I do. Because you lost Blair, and now she's dating your best friend. And therefore, the only human contact that you don't pay for, is the people in this house. And knowing you, you'd screw that up too.
- [walks away]
- Anna: [his escort shrugs] Are you coming back?
- Chuck Bass: [low growl] You can let yourself out.