- Hazel Williams: [cellphone ban in class] Somebody pinch me! I'm in my own worst nightmare!
- Nelly Yuki: Who could be behind such pure evil?
- Isabel Coates: [re Hazel dejected without cellphone access, typing away on imaginary one] She's been like this for the past hour.
- Nelly Yuki: I think it's withdrawal. She hasn't checked Gossip Girl in an hour and a half.
- Hazel Williams: Is... is a scandal still a scandal if you... you can't text about it?
- Penelope Shafai: That's very Zen.
- Nelly Yuki: Girls... these phones are our ammo. I want you to dig deep... and I mean deep... into Rachel's past. We're gonna run that commie corn-husker straight out of Constance.
- Nelly Yuki: Did anyone see you?
- Dorota Kishlovsky: No, Miss Blair.
- Nelly Yuki: And you have what I asked for?
- [Dorota surreptitiously hands over stylish bag]
- Hazel Williams: [it's a stash of cellphones] Thank you, Jesus.
- Nelly Yuki: No,"Thank you, Blair." And thank you, Dorota.
- Blair Waldorf: [no dirt to be dug up on Rachel] When the truth fails you, you have no choice but to abandon it. Make something up! Idiots!
- [as she leaves the ladies' room, to herself:]
- Blair Waldorf: With friends like these, who needs friends?
- [one of the girls left behind mutters "Stupid"]
- Dan Humphrey: Hey, this... day is getting weirder by the minute.
- Jenny Humphrey: Anything you wanna tell me?
- Dan Humphrey: Uh... besides I'm glad you're not wearing that raccoon makeup anymore, because you looked like one of the Incredibles?
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh, thanks a lot. And I thought I was the bad seed in the family.
- Dan Humphrey: What? All right, what's going on?
- Blair Waldorf: [on phone, Serena talks about new teacher] Looks like Humphrey has some competition.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look, Dan and I have barely spoken this week.
- Blair Waldorf: They say conversation is the first thing to go.
- Serena van der Woodsen: We will talk. There's just a lot on my mind right now. Look, B, I gotta go. I know where Rachel eats breakfast... and I have to drop off my extra credit essay before I go to school.